{1999}{2065}Every seventh year|is a year of the moon.
{2068}{2163}People whose lives are strongly|influenced by their emotions
{2165}{2274}suffer more intensely from|depressions in these years.
{2277}{2391}To a lesser degree, this is also|true of years with 13 new moons.
{2393}{2513}When a moon year|also has 13 new moons
{2515}{2634}inescapable personal|tragedies may occur.
{2637}{2756}In the 20th century, this dangerous|constellation occurs six times.
{2759}{2878}One of these is 1978;
{2881}{2999}before that,|1908, 1929, 1943 and 1957.
{3003}{3122}1992 will also be a year in which|many people's lives are threatened.
{3501}{3569}Volker spengler as|elvira weisshaupt in
{3571}{3706}in a year with 13 moons
{5638}{5674}what's up here?
{5777}{5840}He's not a john.|He's a woman, he says.
{6755}{6785}Stop it!
{7171}{7251}With the|collaboration of
{8151}{8217}men hover 'round me
{8219}{8279}like moths 'round a flame
{8281}{8362}and when they get burnt
{8364}{8422}good that no one knows my game
{8425}{8495}rumpelstiltskin is my name
{8497}{8579}on the volga's banks|a soldier stands
{8599}{8679}keeping watch for his fatherland
{8707}{8826}standing on the battlements,|looking down with pleasure on...
{9185}{9213}elvira?
{9231}{9314}I didn't know you'd be here.
{9364}{9409}It's been six weeks
{9411}{9466}six weeks! That's 42 days...
{9468}{9547}or 1008 hours.|I can count for myself.
{9550}{9595}Is that all that occurs to you?
{9598}{9637}No, of course not.
{9647}{9686}How stupid of me!
{9705}{9740}I'm so sorry.
{9743}{9794}I bet you mean my...
{9797}{9859}my outfit.
{9934}{9986}You're probably wondering...
{9990}{10020}why i'm...
{10023}{10064}you're drunk again.
{10071}{10098}Drunk?
{10118}{10167}No, darling. I'm not drunk.
{10180}{10217}On the contrary...
{10250}{10287}i'm just lonely.
{10316}{10379}Yes, i'm lonely, and i...
{10382}{10418}stop screaming!
{10445}{10503}When you're in the wrong|you always start screaming.
{10563}{10646}Me, in the wrong?
{10682}{10739}You, of all people, accuse me?
{10751}{10787}No, my friend,
{10799}{10847}i am not in the wrong.
{10851}{10899}You left me in the lurch.
{10907}{10991}I've been sitting here for weeks,|till i felt quite claustrophobic,
{10995}{11045}staring at the phone...
{11047}{11133}till i could hardly see anymore,|till my brain went numb.
{11242}{11300}No, the only thing i did wrong
{11307}{11346}was to yearn
{11373}{11442}for someone to caress me
{11461}{11495}and kiss me.
{11524}{11569}Caress you? Kiss you?
{11571}{11610}You have nothing|but jam in your head.
{11613}{11657}Caress you? Don't make me laugh!
{11660}{11743}Look at yourself in the mirror!
{11747}{11772}Don't, christoph!
{11775}{11858}Look at yourself in the mirror!
{11867}{11921}Christoph, please, please.
{11923}{11964}I'm scared.
{11967}{12024}What are you scared of?
{12030}{12099}Of you. Today, you're so...
{12105}{12155}you know what you're afraid of?
{12158}{12223}Your own ugly mug.
{12225}{12271}Look at yourself in the mirror!
{12274}{12344}I'm afraid...
{12387}{12421}open your eyes.
{12424}{12466}Christoph, please...
{12481}{12528}look at yourself, elvira.
{12541}{12602}Look,|or i'll smash your teeth in.
{12639}{12699}Look at yourself.
{12734}{12842}Do you see now|why i don't come home anymore?
{12867}{12915}I see myself loving you.
{12976}{13038}So that's why you drink|and get fatter and fatter
{13040}{13101}till your face revolts me
{13103}{13168}like a contagious disease,|like leprosy.
{13183}{13233}I never wanted to hurt you.
{13431}{13514}Ugh! You're not even funny.|You're just repulsive.
{13517}{13590}You're a fat, revolting,|superfluous lump of meat.
{13593}{13628}And you know why?
{13631}{13677}Because you have|no will of your own
{13679}{13760}no initiative, no brain.|You've no imagination.
{13763}{13846}- You're not interested in anything.|- That's not true.
{13848}{13905}I've always searched|for something like a soul.
{13907}{13972}Something like you|doesn't have a soul.
{13975}{14030}You're just a thing, an object
{14057}{14103}completely superfluous.
{14122}{14202}Nobody would notice|if you ceased to exist.
{14204}{14251}Splat! And gone!
{14259}{14349}Somebody should step on you|and squash you like a bug.
{14351}{14432}Christoph, stop it!|Help! You're hurting me.
{14435}{14513}Stop screaming! Do you want|the whole building to hear?
{14604}{14649}This is my apartment, christoph,
{14651}{14708}and i can do what i like in it.
{14711}{14803}- So it's your apartment, is it?|- Yes, my apartment.
{14814}{14853}Mine, mine, mine!
{14863}{14919}Okay, have it your way, elvira.
{14933}{14991}It had to happen sooner or later.
{15004}{15036}God knows
{15055}{15102}rather sooner than later.
{15189}{15226}What's the matter?
{15229}{15265}Say something.
{15275}{15319}Nothing. I'm packing.
{15323}{15352}Packing?
{15409}{15450}But you've only just come home.
{15452}{15535}If this is your apartment,|i can't have come home.
{15560}{15616}I must be|at the wrong address.
{15620}{15646}Sorry.
{15650}{15709}You know i didn't mean|it like that.
{15721}{15838}You know how i really feel.
{15841}{15923}That's the thanks i get|for trying so hard all these years.
{15925}{16001}I just couldn't get it into my|head you're not a real woman...
{16003}{16048}you said you loved me
{16051}{16111}and you knew about it|long before you said that.
{16131}{16198}No one could know|what would happen to you
{16200}{16250}that you'd become such a mess
{16252}{16305}that you'd turn out to be|more than just a man
{16307}{16362}big and blubbery like a walrus
{16383}{16466}that your brain|would grow emptier and emptier
{16485}{16600}and shrink|to a spongy mass of nothing.
{16610}{16666}Don't talk like that, christoph.
{16679}{16714}Not like that.
{16764}{16866}I'm so afraid|you'll ruin everything
{16873}{16904}everything.
{16907}{16936}Oh no, elvira.
{16939}{16997}Stop kidding yourself!
{17048}{17113}There's nothing left to ruin.
{17131}{17199}It's been going on a long time.
{17201}{17265}I feel like throwing up|when i touch you.
{17281}{17322}I feel so nauseated
{17329}{17406}i'd rather spend|the weekend in an empty hotel
{17409}{17455}than come home to you.
{17472}{17523}You don't mean what you say.
{17666}{17733}Beat it! Let me finish packing!
{17749}{17808}Leave me alone! Once and for all!
{17811}{17911}- Go brush your teeth, for all i care.|- You've been lonely in life, too.
{17914}{17967}- Now you behave as if...|- well?
{17978}{18019}Did i ever deny it?
{18024}{18050}Did i?
{18070}{18115}No. On the contrary.
{18121}{18170}But i didn't let myself go.
{18255}{18311}Of course not. You never had to.
{18322}{18359}I was always there for you.
{18362}{18434}Do you want me to spend my life|groveling on my knees before you?
{18437}{18467}No one asked you to do that.
{18470}{18568}No, but you behave as if i had|to pay off some huge debt.
{18583}{18629}My god, you're so unfair.
{18631}{18715}I never said anything like that.|I never even thought it.
{18731}{18807}You don't think. You've nothing|but jam in your head.
{18810}{18886}- You said that before.|- I know, because it's true.
{18911}{18936}Jam.
{18955}{19011}It sticks your eyelids together.
{19047}{19092}It's rancid and it stinks.
{19119}{19190}It smells of putrefaction|when you're around
{19202}{19243}of decay and death.
{19266}{19302}That's why
{19304}{19343}you need alcohol.
{19349}{19439}What have i done to you|that you have to hurt me like this?
{19442}{19466}What have i done?
{19468}{19545}Is it because|i was the one who helped you
{19547}{19611}recover your self-respect?
{19644}{19686}Think what you like.
{19698}{19754}Do what you like.|I couldn't care less.
{19756}{19804}I'm leaving. Understand?
{19823}{19868}And this time for good.
{19939}{20005}Out of my way. I couldn't|care less what becomes of you.
{20007}{20031}Christoph!
{20033}{20072}Leave me in peace!
{20079}{20154}Christoph,|do what you like, anything.
{20157}{20235}But don't leave me!
{20259}{20295}Wait, christoph!
{20334}{20401}Let's talk it over!|Just one more time!
{20569}{20613}- See you friday?|- Okay.
{21146}{21185}What do you want?
{21187}{21223}Please don't go.
{21226}{21285}Out of my way,|or i'll run you down!
{21319}{21343}Beat it!
{22243}{22300}Two coffees, two brandies,|please.
{22547}{22581}What was that all about?
{22583}{22695}Because i put on men's clothes|and went down to the river.
{22717}{22751}To the river main, and?
{22754}{22874}I wanted to buy myself a boy.|Is that so terrible?
{22880}{22983}It's not terrible at all, but...
{23035}{23115}why did you wear men's clothes?
{23121}{23196}I'm not so ashamed to pay for it|with men's clothes on
{23199}{23262}as i am when i wear women's|clothes, as i have sometimes.
{23264}{23338}Maybe it's stupid.|It's just a feeling i have.
{23341}{23419}When i pay for it as a woman|i feel so terribly ashamed.
{23422}{23482}- You understand?|- Sure, i understand.
{23491}{23569}It wasn't the first time|i've done it in men's clothes,
{23571}{23639}but last night they beat me up.
{23642}{23712}Still, it's better|than those stupid grins.
{23715}{23797}Last week i tried|to get a job in my old trade.
{23800}{23859}- In men's clothes?|- Naturally.
{23863}{23940}- What is your trade?|- I used to be a slaughterer.
{23943}{24000}But hardly anyone knows that now.
{24018}{24066}Slaughtering real animals?
{24069}{24140}Yes, that's what i trained to do.
{24143}{24207}But they just laughed|when i asked.
{24210}{24306}They looked at my boobs,|made fun of me and kicked me out.
{24384}{24472}Nobody realizes how important|it is for me to get a job again.
{24480}{24548}Doing something|i was trained to do.
{24551}{24613}But slaughtering animals.
{24625}{24695}It's acting against life.
{24699}{24763}No it's not. It's life itself:
{24766}{24820}The steaming blood, and death.
{24823}{24874}That's what gives|an animal's life meaning.
{24876}{24957}And the smell when they know|they're going to die
{24959}{25012}and know that it's beautiful,|and wait for it.
{25015}{25059}Solitary and beautiful.
{25061}{25143}When i was young|i felt the same disgust as you.
{25146}{25186}Today i understand|the world better.
{25188}{25227}Come on, i'll show you, zora.
{25231}{25307}You'll smell it, see them die,|hear their cries...
{25311}{25355}cries for deliverance.
{25906}{26015}I really wanted to be a goldsmith,|but couldn't get an apprenticeship.
{26019}{26116}Only as a butcher. It was easier|to find a place in a butcher shop.
{26119}{26226}In the end, i was satisfied. The|butcher had a daughter of my age.
{26235}{26311}Her name was irene. She finished|school as i finished my training.
{26314}{26374}We wanted to live our own lives.
{26377}{26453}Her dad treated us|like his property.
{26455}{26566}We liked each other a lot.|You couldn't call it love, perhaps.
{26569}{26671}But we felt something|for each other and got married.
{26673}{26716}Soon after, irene had the baby.
{26719}{26754}Our little treasure, our marie-ann.
{26757}{26803}Irene's dad couldn't|do anything then.
{26806}{26902}Irene stuck by me, even after|i returned from casablanca.
{26919}{26999}She never asked for a divorce,|on account of the child
{27002}{27091}although she's a lot smarter|than me. She became a teacher.
{27095}{27165}And her life is|much more valuable than mine.
{27255}{27321}Christoph was an actor|when i met him.
{27331}{27373}Seven years he was|in the theater.
{27375}{27487}Usually actors move on|to bigger and bigger cities.
{27490}{27532}But with him it was the opposite.
{27535}{27581}The towns became|smaller and smaller.
{27583}{27674}In the end, nobody wanted him,|and that made him sad.
{27683}{27742}He was so depressed he|wanted to die when i found him.
{27745}{27812}I talked the hind leg|off a donkey to help him.
{27815}{27881}The best thing|was rehearsing roles with him.
{27883}{27966}I'd take one part and he the other.|I would say:
{27972}{28046}And when our gaze lights|on a monstrous deed
{28048}{28112}the soul stands still the while.
{28115}{28159}And christoph would say:
{28162}{28228}So in the end,|i face my banishment
{28239}{28331}disowned, exiled|and but a beggar here.
{28406}{28459}With laurel they have crowned me
{28463}{28547}to lead me to an altar,|like a sacrificial beast.
{28555}{28637}So, on the final day,|they lured from me
{28639}{28736}my poem, which was|my sole possession
{28739}{28822}gained it with flattery|and held it fast.
{28825}{28941}Now my only wealth|is in your hands
{28947}{29023}which was my commendation|to the world:
{29031}{29125}All that remained|to save me from starvation.
{29134}{29242}Now i perceive|why i should celebrate:
{29249}{29348}That i may not|perfect the song i write,
{29357}{29439}and that my name|should not be spread abroad
{29446}{29525}that in their envy,|my detractors find
{29527}{29610}a thousand faults,|and i should be forgotten.
{29613}{29696}Hence i should yield|myself to idleness
{29702}{29764}sparing myself|and all my senses, too.
{29815}{29896}How willingly|we do deceive ourselves
{29899}{29975}and honor|the corrupt who honor us.
{29983}{30066}Then i'd say, i'll not abandon you|in your distress.
{30072}{30116}And christoph:|Grant...
{30124}{30168}o grant me
{30171}{30264}for a moment|the present back again!
{30287}{30402}And though a man be silenced|by his pain
{30421}{30478}a god gave me the power to say
{30487}{30570}how much i suffer.
{30730}{30821}I took great pains,|but in the end
{30824}{30895}he had to admit he didn't|have what it takes.
{30904}{30932}At least
{30935}{31019}i helped him retain|his chance of survival.
{31030}{31134}At first, he was as if paralyzed.
{31141}{31219}It went on for years,|this grieving apathy
{31221}{31296}before he|finally made up his mind
{31299}{31373}to be the way|he'd learned a man should be:
{31375}{31435}Active, decisive,
{31437}{31509}independent, apparently.
{31511}{31611}All that time he lived off me,|and he wasn't ashamed of it.
{31622}{31672}That was important for me.
{31675}{31711}Believe me, zora.
{31713}{31790}He wasn't the type to be a pimp
{31792}{31844}even though|our money came from other men
{31847}{31894}with whom i slept.
{31896}{31955}At first|he used to ask me about them.
{31959}{32010}How they were, what they said...
{32012}{32065}whether they were tender|and loving
{32070}{32116}whether they had special wishes
{32119}{32202}what their bodies were like,|especially their dicks.
{32214}{32297}Whether they were big,|bigger than his.
{32300}{32360}That was strangely important.
{32363}{32478}As if the size of a cock|were a problem for him.
{32481}{32554}But as time went by,|his interest in this faded.
{32557}{32648}He found a new interest|of a fundamental kind:
{32660}{32743}How to earn a living as a man.
{32755}{32866}Finally he decided|to go into investment consulting,
{32879}{32941}a kind of poor man's stockbroker
{32943}{33013}selling shares|in car washes and so on.
{33015}{33105}He changed his job a lot.|Nothing was very reputable
{33110}{33183}but he earned enough money
{33187}{33238}for me not|to have to work the game.
{33242}{33298}He wanted to provide for me.
{33300}{33336}I just gave him a start.
{33339}{33392}I bought the apartment|and furnished it.
{33395}{33477}But i've been|living off him the past few years.
{33480}{33523}He wants to make me|happy that way.
{33525}{33555}I know he does.
{33612}{33644}Christoph.
{37795}{37840}Elvira! Can't you hear?
{37887}{37938}Why don't you open the door?
{39395}{39437}- Christoph?|- It's me.
{39443}{39470}Irene.
{39485}{39557}I've been ringing like mad,|but you didn't open.
{39559}{39609}- Have you been taking pills again?|- Not at all.
{39611}{39655}I have such a headache.
{39659}{39718}- Too much to drink?|- Hardly anything.
{39758}{39794}Now i remember.
{39815}{39880}This morning... christoph.
{39891}{39944}He packed all his things|and left.
{39947}{39986}For good, he said.
{40031}{40070}Don't worry, dear.
{40079}{40126}His books are still here.
{40129}{40163}That's right.
{40175}{40258}It's always the same prattle.|Backwards and forwards.
{40271}{40345}And i fall for it every time.|I get all upset
{40347}{40419}and he just laughs up his sleeve.
{40437}{40485}Aren't you teaching today?
{40495}{40531}School's over.
{40543}{40573}It's afternoon now.
{40575}{40624}- Really?|- Yes.
{40683}{40742}What did you fight|about this time?
{40750}{40795}About. Oh, you know...
{40867}{40906}it's always the same.
{40909}{40954}Nothing at all, really.
{41027}{41055}Really?
{41081}{41124}Don't you believe me?
{41127}{41162}Shouldn't i believe you?
{41164}{41205}- Why shouldn't you?|- Why do you think?
{41208}{41261}I don't understand you, irene.
{41269}{41298}- No?|- No.
{41338}{41391}And why didn't you tell me...
{41397}{41484}about this interview you gave?|- Why are you yelling at me?
{41531}{41587}Don't always change the subject.
{41607}{41652}I asked you a question.
{41678}{41736}- Why did...|- is the interview in the paper?
{41739}{41767}Show me.
{41787}{41837}Wonderful.|Have you seen the picture?
{41839}{41897}A real photo of me|in a real newspaper.
{41899}{41979}Why didn't you tell me|about the interview, you idiot?
{41982}{42011}Why are you screaming at me?
{42015}{42062}I'm screaming|because you're crazy
{42066}{42116}and have nothing in your head
{42119}{42170}but painting your face.
{42203}{42254}All people ever do|is scream at me
{42256}{42303}and try to hurt me.
{42312}{42395}Erwin,|have you read what you said?
{42413}{42463}- About anton?|- About anton!
{42471}{42554}Why should i read it?|I know what i know about him.
{42558}{42615}And it's the truth,|so why shouldn't i say
{42618}{42656}it's the truth?
{42659}{42782}You can't tell people everything,|even if it is the truth.
{42785}{42813}But...
{42931}{42970}do you realize
{42989}{43059}how powerful anton saitz is now?
{43079}{43119}Have you any idea?
{43148}{43195}Are you really aware
{43211}{43289}of what you said about a man|who has so much power?
{43324}{43373}Do you know what he'll do?
{43404}{43466}He'll crush you
{43487}{43522}like an insect.
{43547}{43607}- Swat you like an annoying little fly.|- Nonsense, irene!
{43611}{43662}It's not nonsense, elvira.
{43739}{43807}That man's interfered|enough in your life.
{43855}{43920}He's destroyed whatever he could.
{43928}{43995}- What do you mean?|- What do i mean!
{44034}{44115}First, that jail term, and then
{44127}{44174}that trip to casablanca.
{44180}{44224}That wasn't his fault.
{44278}{44338}Like hell it wasn't!
{44358}{44384}Okay...
{44410}{44462}but he'd never do me any harm.
{44467}{44494}Never.
{44574}{44604}All right.
{44653}{44750}Maybe he'll leave you in peace
{44804}{44887}but he'll find some way|to take his revenge.
{44927}{44959}He has to.
{45135}{45185}And if he decides|to take his revenge
{45187}{45307}by destroying your...|our daughter?
{45327}{45359}Marie-ann?
{45445}{45514}What does it have to do with her?
{45536}{45594}The man's not wicked, believe me.
{45747}{45801}Our child has suffered enough.
{45824}{45914}- She has a right to her own life.|- It's all right, darling.
{45960}{45992}Don't cry.
{46015}{46045}Don't cry.
{46079}{46118}I'm scared, erwin.
{46158}{46227}All day i was afraid|for our girl.
{46267}{46313}And now this interview.
{46332}{46440}I'm so terribly scared.
{46443}{46482}You're trembling...
{46502}{46558}trembling as if you had a fever.
{46570}{46594}Are you sick?
{46596}{46643}I'm not sick, erwin.
{46646}{46690}I'm just scared.
{46718}{46744}Okay
{46778}{46823}i'll see what i can do.
{46839}{46920}I'll go to him|and ask him to forgive me.
{46923}{46950}Feel better now?
{46977}{47011}Much better.
{47060}{47110}Only if you really do it
{47181}{47223}and only if it helps.
{49091}{49127}- You want something?|- I, er...
{49130}{49215}keep staring at me and|i'll carve you into little pieces.
{49275}{49322}Beat it, you stupid cow!
{52762}{52839}Baby dear, what are you doing?|You should be in bed.
{52842}{52878}Irene woke me up.
{52881}{52918}Did he turn up?
{52937}{52969}Don't cry.
{52975}{53005}I'm not.
{53007}{53042}What's the matter, then?
{53044}{53150}I sat down here,|and it just came over me.
{53199}{53259}Don't worry. You know what i do|when i'm feeling down?
{53263}{53294}I go to soul frieda.
{53297}{53357}- Who's that?|- Come on. I'll show you.
{53600}{53626}Do you like him?
{53629}{53702}That's one of the guys|who beat me up last night.
{53705}{53745}I like him anyway.
{54584}{54679}Once i dreamed|i was walking in a cemetery
{54687}{54759}and suddenly i noticed|something strange.
{54766}{54849}The inscriptions on the graves|were not like those i knew.
{54851}{54929}Usually you see|"born 1918, died 1968"
{54932}{55015}or "born 1927, died 1975"
{55023}{55195}but the dates on these graves read:|1970-72, or 1965-66, or 1954-57.
{55202}{55305}No one here seemed to have been|older than a couple of years.
{55315}{55402}Some were even younger.|Some were just a few days old:
{55404}{55490}"February 18 to march 11",|or "may 19 to june 5",
{55492}{55543}others only a few hours.
{55558}{55678}While i'm trying to figure out|why this cemetery is so strange
{55707}{55778}i suddenly see a very|old man in front of me.
{55817}{55851}He's the gardener.
{55854}{55933}I ask him, how he became so old
{55935}{56039}when everyone else there|died so young.
{56047}{56106}He laughs,|shakes his head and says
{56115}{56154}"no. You're mistaken."
{56156}{56270}"The dates are not|the duration of people's lives"
{56274}{56357}"but the time they had|a true friend."
{56468}{56506}What a sad dream.
{56543}{56581}A very sad dream.
{56627}{56684}Yes, zora, it's a very sad dream.
{56701}{56764}Maybe i didn't dream|it after all.
{56767}{56829}Maybe i heard it|or read it somewhere.
{56845}{56872}What does it matter?
{56875}{56933}- What's the weather like outside?|- I beg your pardon.
{56935}{56986}What's the weather like?
{57027}{57084}Is it raining|or is it not raining?
{57087}{57157}Is the sun shining|or is the sun not shining?
{57163}{57211}I haven't been outside in months.
{57215}{57276}But believe me, you know nothing.
{57307}{57352}No one falls for the fairy tale
{57355}{57427}that there's a "real life"|in a "real world"
{57431}{57514}and that "real life"|is more important than loving.
{57534}{57617}What does it matter? I know|we don't really have a chance
{57622}{57722}whatever might have become of us|if we'd had the chance.
{57765}{57848}- Oh, won't you sit down?|- Why, i...?
{57855}{57975}You look so lost and unhappy|standing there like that.
{58032}{58082}Maybe she really is unhappy.
{58101}{58136}Maybe she is.
{58148}{58183}Maybe she is unhappy.
{58345}{58383}She's very lonely.
{58386}{58459}Everybody's lonely.|That's how it should be.
{58462}{58514}If you're sad,|you have no time to think.
{58516}{58595}Elvira was a|very beautiful woman
{58598}{58647}after she had her operation.
{58650}{58687}- Cancer?|- No.
{58700}{58737}Not an illness.
{58750}{58831}She just had|everything cut off down there.
{58834}{58902}That can't be|the reason she's unhappy.
{58917}{58991}She was probably always a woman|deep down inside.
{59019}{59051}No, she wasn't.
{59054}{59117}That's the trouble.|She just did it
{59131}{59193}without any real reason
{59227}{59286}without any psychological motives.
{59295}{59355}I don't think she was even gay.
{59407}{59448}Am i right, baby?
{59478}{59581}You weren't gay|when you went to casablanca?
{59583}{59681}No, that's why|it was so terrible at first.
{59699}{59747}I had to exist.
{59767}{59818}When men felt me up|in the bars
{59821}{59944}where i was a hostess.|What else could i have done?
{59951}{60014}I was alive,|and i had to go on living.
{60025}{60090}I felt ashamed|with every one of them.
{60108}{60183}And the trouble is, when they|notice you're ashamed
{60186}{60238}they do it all the more
{60255}{60323}touching you up and so forth.
{60332}{60382}I like it when men feel me up.
{60384}{60442}They're so awkward when|they try to be tender
{60444}{60494}that it's kind of nice, too.
{60517}{60565}Anyway all men are lovely.
{60581}{60623}Him and him and him.
{60669}{60727}And especially|if they have a dick
{60730}{60790}that hasn't shrivelled up.
{60816}{60899}More and more men can't|get it up anymore.
{60941}{60986}It's like an epidemic.
{61064}{61126}- Would you like a drink?|- Yes, please.
{61207}{61318}It took quite a few years,|and it cost me a great effort.
{61323}{61355}But i managed it
{61358}{61401}even if it was hard.
{61415}{61512}I had to learn how men smell,|and not to think that they stank
{61515}{61560}and be nauseated by it.
{61575}{61654}What, in expressive terms,|i regard as my body
{61656}{61745}if i can be aware of it in|another form, is in fact my will.
{61751}{61820}Or, my body is|the objectivization of my will.
{61823}{61896}Or, apart from it being|a concept of my imagination
{61899}{61946}my body is merely my will.
{61951}{62016}One day i woke up|with pains in my back.
{62039}{62090}I didn't worry about them
{62098}{62145}and the pains went away.
{62155}{62221}But they came back again,|worse than before
{62223}{62278}and were even worse|the next time.
{62280}{62386}One day|i woke up and couldn't move.
{62402}{62446}I lay there paralyzed.
{62452}{62502}They said it was rheumatism
{62504}{62559}said they could|do nothing about it
{62562}{62607}because it was all psychosomatic.
{62609}{62638}Maybe...
{62651}{62687}that was all.
{62752}{62843}Just now you were|talking about having a chance.
{62928}{62985}If a person is paralyzed
{63001}{63039}suddenly, overnight
{63042}{63092}and not alone that
{63133}{63205}you can't just|leave him lying there alone
{63222}{63275}before he's stopped breathing.
{63286}{63360}On the contrary, it's quite normal|for people to stop breathing
{63363}{63410}without anyone noticing.
{63412}{63486}And hardly anyone gets|the kind of chance i mean.
{63489}{63555}Take me.|I spent eight years in a loony bin.
{63558}{63599}Eight years, ma'am
{63602}{63671}as a madman among madmen.
{63763}{63795}And what happened?
{63798}{63842}They straightened me out
{63844}{63930}so that i don't behave so oddly|and frighten little kids.
{63935}{64013}But the one thing|that might have helped...
{64020}{64048}forget it.
{64051}{64079}Nothing doing.
{64082}{64175}"Sorry, we can't recommend|psychoanalysis in your case...
{64187}{64270}"because you're an orphan,|mr. Miller."
{64498}{64546}- Are you okay?|- Yes.
{64928}{65047}But my greatest fear is that,|one day, i'll find words...
{65049}{65169}to express my feelings.|For when i do...
{65523}{65556}is that her?
{65653}{65688}I don't know.
{65715}{65757}Can't you remember anything?
{65759}{65808}Let's go, zora. I'm afraid.
{65811}{65839}Afraid?
{65853}{65894}- Of what?|- Of...
{65908}{65934}that's just it.
{65936}{66001}I can't find words|that make sense.
{66003}{66096}It's as if my head|were full of clogged-up pipes.
{66108}{66188}Let's go, zora.|Let's get out of here.
{66250}{66276}Baby...
{66292}{66338}we came here specially.
{66352}{66438}It was your idea. You wanted|to find out about your past.
{66468}{66505}Be sensible...
{66508}{66582}and have a tiny little bit of faith|in yourself.
{66622}{66658}We all have to.
{66668}{66695}Maybe.
{66798}{66840}Not maybe. For sure.
{66884}{66963}Just look at the walls|you were behind for 14 years.
{67045}{67077}It's a...
{67083}{67143}building|with very thick walls, isn't it?
{67160}{67203}The nun over there...
{67311}{67344}be careful!
{67369}{67403}Is that her?
{67425}{67454}Could be...
{67456}{67491}i'm not sure.
{67507}{67551}Then i'll go ask her.
{67685}{67717}Excuse me.
{67729}{67766}Are you sister gudrun?
{67769}{67815}Yes, i'm sister gudrun.
{67846}{67882}Can i help you?
{67885}{67925}No, not me.
{67958}{68046}But there's somebody outside
{68067}{68103}that you once knew.
{68127}{68185}He could do with some help maybe.
{68203}{68232}Please.
{68392}{68424}Elvira...
{68454}{68497}this is sister gudrun.
{68554}{68597}Hello, sister gudrun.
{68674}{68702}I'm...
{68727}{68771}i'm erwin weisshaupt.
{68791}{68849}Do you... remember me?
{68875}{68926}Erwin weisshaupt?
{68971}{69047}I remember|a boy by that name, yes.
{69093}{69144}I've ruined my life, sister.
{69175}{69209}My own life.
{69216}{69280}Nobody ruins his own life.
{69300}{69372}It's the order man creates|for himself that's his downfall.
{69375}{69405}And god?
{69416}{69463}God can't be that cruel.
{69487}{69535}Rather he doesn't exist.
{69624}{69659}Little erwin.
{69693}{69730}I remember you.
{69740}{69788}I remember you very well.
{69808}{69859}I tried to give you my love.
{69957}{69994}You're unhappy?
{69996}{70021}Yes.
{70043}{70106}Elvira came|to ask about her childhood.
{70123}{70199}She has no memories of it|and misses them.
{70207}{70276}Do you really believe|you need to remember it?
{70279}{70321}You really think so?
{70363}{70395}Yes, i do.
{70430}{70473}Maybe you're right.
{70720}{70773}Sometime during the last war
{70779}{70890}anita weisshaupt|secretly gave birth to a son.
{70904}{71002}Shortly afterwards, she brought|her baby here to the orphanage
{71005}{71052}and gave it for adoption.
{71099}{71148}The child was christened erwin
{71151}{71201}and all the sisters loved him.
{71203}{71247}He was a quiet child
{71250}{71338}which they found agreeable,|so they said he was a good boy.
{71351}{71428}Even in the worst days|after the war
{71431}{71499}they made sure that the child|always had enough to eat.
{71501}{71557}Rather too much than too little.
{71559}{71625}In return, the sisters|expected him to love them.
{71628}{71692}Each one individually|and each one most.
{71729}{71805}The child was, therefore,|forced to learn to lie...
{71807}{71905}for he soon found out that,|the more he told the nuns
{71915}{72014}what they wanted to hear,|the better he was treated.
{72044}{72140}He mastered this system|of rewarded lies so well
{72147}{72246}that no one noticed how the|quiet child turned into a sad one.
{72276}{72318}Erwin was a gifted|pupil at school.
{72321}{72425}Learning was no great effort|for him.
{72441}{72487}But after 18 months
{72496}{72546}many things changed for him.
{72586}{72641}A couple who wanted
{72646}{72729}to adopt a child grew|attached to him.
{72743}{72802}They invited him to their home
{72807}{72854}and occupied themselves with him.
{72856}{72916}It was like|heaven on earth for him.
{72950}{73019}Then, after long deliberation
{73022}{73069}they applied to adopt erwin.
{73071}{73154}They showed trust|and patience for him
{73157}{73217}and love as well.
{73233}{73283}He was as quiet as ever.
{73287}{73378}But inwardly he was overjoyed.
{73380}{73500}There were no words|to describe this feeling,
{73510}{73547}the trembling of a soul
{73550}{73622}about to fulfill a sacred yearning.
{73627}{73731}As a matter of form, his mother|was asked to confirm her decision
{73741}{73802}to release erwin for adoption.
{73820}{73903}I went to see anita weisshaupt.
{73914}{73987}The moment she opened the door
{73990}{74078}i saw a strange fear in her eyes.
{74090}{74135}And when i spoke of erwin
{74138}{74196}her expression of fear intensified.
{74199}{74298}I realized she had managed
{74304}{74351}to forget her own child.
{74360}{74423}And i knew how terrible|that must have been for her.
{74475}{74554}She drew me into a room|and shut the door behind us.
{74592}{74651}The apartment rang|with the cries of children.
{74653}{74718}Her husband|had returned from captivity
{74731}{74804}though she had heard nothing|from him in years.
{74815}{74891}In the meantime, she had had|three more children by him.
{74895}{74940}But still he treated her badly
{74943}{74985}and she lived in fear of him.
{74987}{75083}She was trembling and pale
{75086}{75132}and a terrible thought|occurred to me.
{75135}{75186}Had she been married|to this man
{75188}{75238}when she gave birth to erwin?
{75240}{75326}When i asked her, the look of|terror in her eyes was so great
{75329}{75384}i thought her head would burst.
{75393}{75503}She clutched at her heart|as she nodded "yes"
{75519}{75619}sensing rather than knowing|the true import of her answer
{75636}{75696}and the fundamental nature
{75699}{75788}of the lie she had been living.
{75802}{75842}It meant that erwin
{75844}{75905}whoever his father may have been
{75907}{76007}had been born in wedlock|and was a legitimate child
{76023}{76175}who could not be adopted|without the husband's consent.
{76248}{76316}Anita took a deep breath
{76319}{76451}closed her eyes, shook her head
{76475}{76595}and said in a voice|so painfully clear and final
{76599}{76640}that my heart sank.
{76648}{76721}No, she would not allow|the child to be adopted
{76723}{76819}since she did not want her husband|ever to know of its existence.
{76835}{76900}She actually used the words
{76903}{76957}"that child" and "my husband".
{76976}{77035}There was nothing more|one could do to help her.
{77062}{77167}From then on, the young couple|stopped coming to see erwin
{77185}{77256}and he was never invited|to their home again.
{77292}{77387}He waited for weeks|without ever asking why
{77395}{77463}probably fearing|what the answer might be.
{77471}{77524}His yearning was so great
{77542}{77656}that hope lingered|longer than reason would allow.
{77683}{77767}So long, in fact, that it began|to smoulder in his head.
{77813}{77894}Erwin was seized by a fever
{77896}{77943}that no doctor could cure.
{77945}{78034}They said the child would die|unless some miracle occurred.
{78062}{78143}Whatever it was,|the miracle came about.
{78147}{78241}The fever vanished, as it had|appeared, without apparent reason.
{78257}{78363}But the consuming fire|continued to burn within him.
{78382}{78427}Erwin became a different person.
{78429}{78483}Nothing interested him anymore.
{78515}{78562}His whole being changed.
{78573}{78622}He began to steal things
{78633}{78775}things he could have had anyway.
{78791}{78838}And he became unaccountable
{78841}{78899}no longer predictable|for the nuns.
{78915}{78988}And in the same unthinking way
{78991}{79084}as they had thought they loved him,|they now began to fear the child.
{79087}{79135}In the end, they hated him.
{79173}{79262}For years, erwin lived|in a kind of hell
{79274}{79329}made worse by the fact|that he was despised
{79331}{79414}for having learned|to survive in this hell
{79430}{79513}and even savor its horrors.
{79613}{79676}Sister mathilda!|Sister francisca!
{79691}{79730}You can help, too.
{79929}{79984}It's all right now. You may go.
{80009}{80048}Take him home
{80051}{80114}and make sure|he does himself no harm.
{80359}{80434}And one fine summer evening
{80446}{80516}an old woman|came to their cottage
{80531}{80637}carrying a heavy load|of firewood.
{80711}{80770}And she asked the mother
{80772}{80819}whether her children|could help her
{80821}{80875}carry the wood into the forest.
{80902}{80958}The mother said a prayer
{80991}{81061}for she didn't|trust the old woman
{81073}{81194}and the children had always been|forbidden to go into the woods.
{81228}{81333}So the old woman put a curse|on the cottage
{81335}{81382}and its occupants.
{81384}{81426}Because i love you...
{81443}{81498}sleep, baby.
{81519}{81566}Go on, zora
{81604}{81646}and i'll fall asleep.
{81670}{81718}Please, please go on.
{81739}{81768}One day...
{81788}{81894}the parents|went to market in the town.
{81912}{82016}Again they forbade the children
{82025}{82114}under threat of punishment,|to go into the forest.
{82127}{82184}But as life will have it
{82204}{82287}no sooner had the parents|disappeared over the horizon
{82315}{82420}when magic powers|drew the children into the woods
{82427}{82545}powers that were stronger|than any threat of punishment.
{82584}{82657}They came to a clearing
{82671}{82776}and there before them|stood the old woman.
{82784}{82844}The children turned in fear
{82868}{82951}to flee from the old witch
{82987}{83063}but she cackled hideously
{83069}{83131}and uttered a magic spell
{83144}{83207}and the children|froze in their tracks.
{83243}{83302}She cackled again
{83313}{83392}and transformed the little boy
{83398}{83438}into a mushroom
{83450}{83533}and his sister into a snail.
{83561}{83608}Soon night fell
{83639}{83822}and the children were afraid of|what their parents would say.
{83847}{83935}Then the little girl, the snail
{83951}{84052}told her brother she was hungry.
{84055}{84097}And he, the mushroom
{84110}{84218}allowed her to eat of him.
{84251}{84330}So she bit a little piece
{84332}{84370}off the mushroom
{84402}{84456}and her brother cried,
{84476}{84571}"you've bitten off my right ear!"
{84614}{84707}His sister wept|and had a guilty conscience.
{84766}{84849}But soon she was hungry again
{84851}{84946}and he let her eat a little more.
{84948}{84982}And he said,
{85007}{85164}"sister, this time|you bit off my left foot."
{85743}{85784}Hands up, christoph!
{85953}{85986}Cut it out, elvira!
{85988}{86066}We've no time for games like that.|We must go.
{86069}{86098}Come on!
{86217}{86282}How often have i tried|to get you a job in movies?
{86285}{86343}But no, you're not interested.|Do you know what you are?
{86346}{86379}You're a lard-ass!
{86381}{86459}How many women have i met|since i've been with you?
{86499}{86549}I don't know why i stay with you.
{86551}{86619}Out of pity. What else?
{86622}{86662}You've clung to me|like a leech for six years.
{86665}{86702}No initiative.|No will of your own.
{86705}{86742}I'm wasting my life with you.
{86963}{87008}Gen. Augusto pinochet
{87015}{87087}commander-in-chief of the military,|and president of chile...
{87090}{87173}since he rose to power|in 1973.
{87192}{87279}Since then, chile has been|transformed, his supporters say
{87282}{87351}from a state of chaos|to one of order and discipline.
{87411}{87472}- Don't you have a key?|- Lf you lock it from the inside!
{87475}{87543}God! What's up here?
{87559}{87622}Tell me where you've come from...|and on foot.
{87626}{87699}I told them to drop me|at the railroad crossing.
{87712}{87752}I never know with you.
{87754}{87801}- At 5 o'clock in the morning.|- Why not?
{87804}{87846}With the baker's daughter?
{87848}{87906}That's none|of your business, jean.
{87918}{87999}To interpret it|as part of a childhood
{88019}{88068}that one can't|regard as a childhood
{88071}{88113}in the normal sense.
{88154}{88205}There are quite different
{88251}{88322}i'm here to tell you|it's all over between us.
{88343}{88402}You said so yourself|before i left.
{88440}{88493}I know exactly what i'm doing.
{88703}{88748}- You know exactly?|- Yes.
{88785}{88848}What are you waiting for then?|Beat it!
{88931}{89017}Jean, that's enough, okay?|I'm exhausted.
{89019}{89070}And i have to get up again.
{89127}{89198}Are you crazy?|Are you out of your mind?
{89277}{89359}Every morning, the prisoners|sang the national anthem.
{89363}{89450}"Beloved fatherland, you'll be|either the grave of liberty
{89453}{89536}"or a refuge for the oppressed."
{89627}{89670}What are you standing around for?
{89672}{89729}- You can't keep doing this to me.|- It's none of your business.
{89731}{89798}If you'd stayed up there, you|wouldn't know what i was doing.
{89801}{89866}Do you really believe that?|That's the least...
{89868}{89906}i'll leave when it suits me.
{89909}{89959}Why don't you go to sleep?
{89970}{90006}The light's on half|the night up there.
{90009}{90051}Because i can't.
{90068}{90106}I'm scared alone.
{90110}{90176}When my parents divorced|i was six.
{90179}{90250}I went to live with my mother,|and i had to learn
{90253}{90369}to relate|to one particular person.
{90377}{90462}Do you fear failing
{90464}{90497}in your private relationships?
{90499}{90566}What do you mean "fear"?|I'm always failing.
{90568}{90617}Less prominent|supporters of allende
{90619}{90712}became the victims of the newly|formed secret police, the dinah.
{90720}{90782}Often a simple arrest|would end in death.
{90784}{90831}I want my freedom again.
{90835}{90858}I want...
{90862}{90926}i want to go out|on saturday and sunday.
{90931}{90977}I don't want you|visiting my parents anymore.
{90979}{91018}I hope, through my stories
{91021}{91154}to change myself, as far as it|lies within my power.
{91181}{91220}But change is a strange thing.
{91223}{91325}We change ourselves|much more slowly than we think.
{91331}{91384}Oh no! What do you want now?
{91406}{91435}You're always at my heels.
{91438}{91557}In december 1977,|general pinochet held a plebiscite.
{91565}{91611}The question addressed|to chileans was:
{91614}{91690}"Are you prepared, in view of|international aggression against...
{91694}{91742}"the government of your|fatherland...
{91746}{91836}"to support gen. Pinochet in|defending the honor of chile?"
{91856}{91963}The government equated a "no"|vote practically with high treason.
{91982}{92074}I don't want|to see you anymore. Understand?
{92076}{92145}I'm fed up with you|and your stupid movies.
{92147}{92180}Get out of my life!
{92183}{92215}Have i done anything to you?
{92218}{92253}What have you been doing to me|for six years?
{92255}{92292}Because i love you.
{92295}{92350}I don't love you anymore.|It's all over.
{92352}{92401}You mean nothing to me now.
{92404}{92475}I'm looking for the key.|I'm going.
{92601}{92642}Because i love you.
{92644}{92718}What drives you|to make so many pictures?
{92748}{92833}It must be|a special kind of insanity.
{92835}{92923}Life seemed dreadful, but i still|found myself interesting.
{92947}{92980}Now it's the other way round.
{92983}{93072}I know that life's wonderful,|but that i'm excluded from it.
{93089}{93144}You were lucky. You were loved.
{93189}{93231}Francoise loved you.
{93235}{93268}I loved you.
{93290}{93342}Many more women will love you.
{93362}{93414}- You really loved me?|- Oh yes.
{93417}{93532}In my private life, everything|could change this evening.
{93546}{93581}I hope it may.
{93631}{93699}If nothing were to happen...
{93702}{93801}if i don't meet someone tonight|or tomorrow or the day after...
{93803}{93863}everything will go on as it is.
{93889}{93985}I won't force myself to change it.
{93990}{94071}Nor would i force myself|to keep it the same.
{94074}{94124}The general|missed no opportunity
{94158}{94210}to express his contempt|for parliamentary democracy:
{94367}{94460}"Chile needs neither politicians|nor political parties.
{94468}{94590}"It needs chileans, and|a chilean to lead them forward."