{1062}{1128}/You want to know the truth|/about high school?
{1129}{1205}/You've got to break it down|/into its elements
{1206}{1258}/Unfortunately, at St Donovan's,
{1259}{1380}/the periodic table is more crooked|/than a case of scoliosis
{1381}{1496}/Just give me the chance|/and I'll set it all straight
{1497}{1566}/Case in point, Spanish homework
{1567}{1680}"Dame un batido de esperma"|/does not mean "take me to the airport"
{1681}{1802}/It means, "give me a sperm milkshake"
{1803}{1919}/And 22 kids gave that as an answer|/in Spanish 3 last week
{1920}{1962}/I'm not sure about the milkshake,
{1963}{2060}/but somebody is sure feeding us|/something sticky
{2061}{2142}/Every clique on campus is copying|/the same damn homework
{2143}{2248}/Burn-outs, pretty boys, drama-dorks,|/jocks, debaters, player-haters,
{2249}{2308}/you name it
{2309}{2354}/It's big all right
{2355}{2478}/And I'm on it like pink rubber bands|/on your little sister's braces
{2479}{2586}/The name's Bobby Funke|/I write for the paper
{2587}{2660}Wait, wait a second. Who?
{2661}{2711}Bobby Funke. I write for the paper.
{2712}{2753}No, you don't. I'm Tad Goltz,
{2754}{2814}and I write for the paper.|You don't write for shit.
{2815}{2896}Wait, aren't you the freshman|they tied to the snowman penis?
{2897}{2969}Sophomore.
{2994}{3083}Bobby, you can't expect us|to give you a story like this
{3084}{3140}when there's nothing written|and there's hardly proof.
{3141}{3248}Look, Clara, I'm the best writer you've got.|Tell me differently.
{3249}{3360}You've never finished an article.
{3361}{3429}Well, then, do you want to go|to homecoming with me?
{3430}{3474}No.
{3475}{3568}/Clara Diaz, editor in chief|/and one tough cookie
{3569}{3677}/All I wanted was a taste
{3754}{3790}/Friedrich Nietzsche said,
{3791}{3858}/"What doesn't kill you|/makes you stronger"
{3859}{3950}/But 10 buck says|/Nietzsche never got a swirly
{3951}{3990}I can't talk right now, Clara.
{3991}{4051}Look, I feel really bad|about what happened.
{4052}{4095}I know you're going|for that Northwestern program
{4096}{4135}and I have an assignment for you.
{4136}{4215}Take you to homecoming?|Heard you're going with Tad.
{4216}{4283}- You know what Tad's short for, right?|- Theodore?
{4284}{4347}No. Vagina.
{4348}{4379}Look it up.
{4380}{4512}I want you to write a story|on the student body president.
{4513}{4570}- Really?|- Really.
{4571}{4652}Just get it on paper this time, okay?
{4653}{4712}Okay.
{4713}{4802}/Finally, my big break|/It was just the story I needed
{4803}{4881}/to get into the Northwestern|/Summer Journalism program
{4882}{5004}/Instead of delivering papers this summer,|/I'd be well on my way to writing for them
{5005}{5095}Give me a piece of loose leaf.
{5096}{5223}Come on, give me a piece of loose leaf.
{5224}{5263}Give me a pen.
{5264}{5312}What happened to the|last pen I gave you?
{5313}{5370}Give me a pen, Funke. Give me a pen.
{5371}{5450}Just take it.
{5633}{5732}/Everybody paid attention when|/Francesca Fachini walked into a classroom
{5733}{5776}/She was the national merit scholar,
{5777}{5908}/the varsity soccer captain,|/and the president's girlfriend
{5909}{6130}/I'd interview her for the story,|/just as soon as I grew some testicles
{6232}{6291}What?
{6292}{6393}I'm fine. How are you?
{6509}{6588}/The president was a busy man,|/an important man,
{6589}{6709}/and he was about to give me|/the story of my high-school career
{6710}{6791}Could you please state your name,|year and Social Security number?
{6792}{6872}Paul Moore, I'm a senior.
{6873}{6928}I'm not going to give you my Soc.
{6929}{7002}Aren't you the freshman|they tied to the snowman penis?
{7003}{7046}Sophomore.
{7047}{7092}As president, how would you say|you are going to handle
{7093}{7198}the recent drop in ACT and SAT scores?
{7199}{7321}Well, what would you|have me do about it?
{7322}{7454}Seriously, you've seen me on the boards.|I'll do whatever it takes it get it done.
{7455}{7562}And that's a Paul Moore promise.|To you, to St. Donovan's.
{7563}{7724}To Paul Moore.|You know what I'm talking about?
{8057}{8140}/After 30 minutes in the shower,|/one thing was clear
{8141}{8246}/Paul was all length and no depth
{8247}{8310}He didn't give you a whole lot?|How could he not give you a whole lot?
{8311}{8336}Look at the guy. People love him.
{8337}{8416}He's like fucking JF"K", he's smart,|he's charismatic, he's good-looking,
{8417}{8464}he's a tenacious athlete.
{8465}{8545}I'm sorry, Tad. I didn't realize|you felt that way about him.
{8546}{8591}Sad.
{8592}{8696}/Ongatumamwe with the rebound!|/The man from Sudan!
{8697}{8734}Come on! Call that!
{8735}{8769}/That's a timeout, Friars
{8770}{8839}Come on, bring it in,|bring it in. Let's go.
{8840}{8874}What's going on out there, guys?
{8875}{8948}You guys look like a dump|that I took last Thanksgiving!
{8949}{9029}- What's the matter, Pauley?|- I don't know, Coach. I'm not feeling it.
{9030}{9105}You got to feel it, son.|You got to feel the flow and go.
{9106}{9225}You understand, son?|You feel, flow, go, hoop, win.
{9226}{9257}Pauley! Ball game!
{9258}{9344}No one understands why you got|the Moore story instead of Tad Goltz.
{9345}{9412}I'm sure there's a lot|you don't understand, Tad.
{9413}{9564}Yeah? Well, I understand|art when I see it.
{9815}{9864}- On a road trip?|- Yeah.
{9865}{9928}Marlon Piazza,|Bobby Funke, I write for the paper.
{9929}{9972}Doing a piece on Paul Moore.|I was wondering...
{9973}{10057}Piss off, dork.
{10127}{10216}/Those gentle giants were the pillars|/of St Donovan's Student Council
{10217}{10312}/Marlon Piazza, vice-president|/and Francesca's step-brother
{10313}{10404}/Matt Mullen, head hall monitor|/and noted date-rapist
{10405}{10611}/Marty Mullen, class secretary|/and former child's underwear model
{10664}{10722}Oh, God! Oh, God, no!|Did you hear that pop?
{10723}{10756}- I think I heard a pop!|- There was no pop!
{10757}{10803}- Can we give Mr. Moore some room, please?|- Watch out.
{10804}{10843}You all right, Paul?
{10844}{10921}- Should we get him up?|- Let's get him up. Come on Paul!
{10922}{10982}Pack it up. Pack it up!
{10983}{11055}/The basketball game|/wasn't all we lost that night
{11056}{11279}/Like Nixon's men at Watergate,|/a thief crept in and stole our innocence
{11657}{11732}What kind of effing a-hole would do|something like this, Nancy?
{11733}{11800}I don't know, sir. Should|I call the police?
{11801}{11902}No. Bring me the list.
{11911}{11958}/Whenever trouble came to St Donovan's,
{11959}{12023}/the principal rounded up|/the same old delinquents
{12024}{12099}/But that dark morning,|/there was one new name on the list
{12100}{12131}Bobby Funke!
{12132}{12172}Actually, it's pronounced "Funke."
{12173}{12278}Principal's office, now.
{12296}{12404}- Always feel nice in here.|- My ass itches.
{12405}{12490}Who is this guy? What's his name?
{12491}{12524}Bobby Funke.
{12525}{12577}- Frankie.|- Funke.
{12578}{12617}Looks like a little gentleman.
{12618}{12714}- He does. Look at him.|- Looks like a stockbroker.
{12715}{12746}Funke.
{12747}{12788}Don't look at me.
{12789}{12834}What happened to your face, man?
{12835}{12927}Look at it. It's like you have|a "culo" on your face.
{12928}{12967}Got a "culo"
{12968}{13076}Did you ever get a man on your back?
{13077}{13214}Breathing hard. Riding|you, like a horse.
{13215}{13270}No?
{13653}{13733}I assume you all know why you're here.
{13734}{13776}Let me guess.
{13777}{13839}You finally want to start that boy-band|you've been dreaming about.
{13840}{13902}Landis, do I come down to the strip club|where you work
{13903}{13948}and knock the dick out of your mouth?
{13949}{14058}Against the wall. You're late.
{14059}{14222}Actually, I'm not entirely certain|why I'm here, sir.
{14223}{14331}Really? It's fascinating.
{14349}{14417}This is why you're here! This!
{14418}{14453}That's sick.
{14454}{14489}You've got a gum problem
{14490}{14543}that's rapidly turning into|an attitude problem.
{14544}{14647}That's why you're here!
{14652}{14732}I don't like gum.
{14733}{14807}I don't like your snooping around.
{14808}{14879}You are all filth.
{14880}{15010}Your parents have obviously spoiled you|or, in your case, possibly abused you,
{15011}{15097}a little too much.
{15098}{15166}Now, one of you little vermin
{15167}{15295}broke into this office|and stole the SATs last night.
{15296}{15384}Of this I am certain.
{15385}{15498}I beg you, I beseech you,|do not come forward.
{15499}{15585}Because I will have the pleasure|of tracking you down,
{15586}{15694}much the same way that I tracked down|that camel-humping ammunitions envoy
{15695}{15865}two klicks east of the Tigris,|the birthplace of civilization.
{15866}{15902}Mr. Cipriato?
{15903}{16001}Do you know what the Arabic word|"la hariq" means?
{16002}{16088}- No.|- It means, "Don't shoot."
{16089}{16163}"Don't shoot!"
{16164}{16226}May want to remember that.
{16227}{16299}Dismissed!
{16854}{16927}Hey, Francesca.
{16928}{17002}Hey, Funke.
{17153}{17298}So, what are you doing|in the men's room?
{17299}{17503}Well, I thought I might find a man in here.|Are you a man, Funke?
{17600}{17679}I'm just screwing with you.
{17680}{17744}I just need your help.
{17745}{17779}With what?
{17780}{17928}Whoever stole the SATs.|I need you to find them and get them back.
{17929}{18051}I aced that thing, I know it.|I was just in the zone.
{18052}{18120}Do you know what "mastication" means?
{18121}{18212}- No.|- Me, neither. But in that moment, I did.
{18213}{18367}It was perfect. I need|you to find those tests.
{18368}{18433}Why me?
{18448}{18525}I don't know,|I've got a feeling about you, Funke.
{18526}{18653}This stuff's right up your alley.
{18773}{18852}So do you have any idea|who might have taken the SATs?
{18853}{18901}We took the SATs?
{18902}{18972}I didn't. I didn't.
{18973}{19008}Did you take them?
{19009}{19085}No, I didn't take them.|Everyone was in the classrooms.
{19086}{19204}That's what all the commotion was about.
{19205}{19330}Okay, where were you last night?
{19369}{19489}That's where I was last night.
{20090}{20175}Hey, Funke. Funke, want a gumball?
{20176}{20238}It's good. It's soft. It's sweet.
{20239}{20282}I'm not falling for the|gumball trick, Cipriato,
{20283}{20366}so you can put your ballbag|back in your pants.
{20367}{20436}What's it like sucking on|another man's fingers?
{20437}{20476}What's it like stealing the SATs?
{20477}{20568}I asked you first.
{20619}{20667}- Where were you that night?|- What do you care?
{20668}{20714}I'm writing your biography.
{20715}{20796}Fine, let me copy off you|and I'll tell you.
{20797}{20853}Fine.
{20854}{20962}I was at the Park Arms with my nana,|playing bingo.
{20963}{21073}I got 30 fucking geriatrics|that can back that up.
{21074}{21127}I'm touched, Cipriato.
{21128}{21219}Not a word, Funke.
{21313}{21492}/After tailing Landis, I discovered|/her secret life outside of school
{21493}{21609}/She opened up, once I promised|/to keep her ice-capades under wraps
{21610}{21719}I don't know who took them, Nancy Drew,|but I do know it happened during the game.
{21720}{21781}I was out in the parking lot last night|and I saw some flashlight
{21782}{21855}bounce around in "K"irkpatrick's office.
{21856}{21908}What were you doing in the parking lot?
{21909}{22030}I was probably getting fingered|by Dutch Middleton.
{22031}{22129}Okay. Thanks, Landis.
{22139}{22167}Long time no see, Rocky.
{22168}{22217}Weekends and holidays, man.
{22218}{22271}- Thanks.|- Did you do it?
{22272}{22303}No. You?
{22304}{22393}I wish. Those tests are the tool|of the racist bourgeoisie.
{22394}{22509}Back to your cage, butt-boy.
{22513}{22615}Last night? No, man.|I got picked up for possession,
{22616}{22719}spent the night in holding.|It's the creepy. You know.
{22720}{22792}I was fucked up.
{22793}{22839}That's some alibi.
{22840}{23005}Fuck it, fuck it. Hold this.|This is my jam, man.
{23187}{23253}/None of these bad apples|/had stolen the tests
{23254}{23376}/Their alibis were like Dutch ovens|/Gamey, but airtight
{23377}{23481}/Maybe I was looking at it all wrong|/Maybe a good kid was behind it
{23482}{23537}What scares you, Funke?
{23538}{23596}You know what scares me? Injustice.
{23597}{23674}You know why? Because it's everywhere.
{23675}{23764}You think I don't see Cipriato|behind me jerking off right now?
{23765}{23899}He's a dead man. I'll deal with him.
{23901}{24016}But the thing about fighting injustice|is choosing your battles wisely.
{24017}{24163}And my battle right now is to find out|where are my missing SATs.
{24164}{24305}Now, I don't know your involvement|in all this, Funke,
{24306}{24365}but I'm watching you.
{24366}{24458}I got both eyes open and they're on you.
{24459}{24509}- You read me?|- Yes. Yes.
{24510}{24598}You bleed, Funke. We all bleed.
{24599}{24683}Thank you, sir.
{24715}{24796}Tad, am I going to get my story|on the girls' bowling team any time soon?
{24797}{24852}Get off my fucking back, Clara!
{24853}{24916}Nobody gives two shits|about girls' bowling.
{24917}{24966}I give two shits, okay?
{24967}{25025}How many more shits|do I need to get a story from you, Tad?
{25026}{25098}And Bobby?
{25128}{25166}Yeah?
{25167}{25289}Where's my story on Paul Moore?
{25316}{25396}/Paul was a good kid|/Maybe his bum knee wasn't so bad
{25397}{25460}/Maybe my puff piece was no pastry
{25461}{25500}It's on its way.
{25501}{25581}So how long...
{25582}{25680}So how did Paul's knee look that night?
{25681}{25746}Okay. Why?
{25747}{25914}Well, because, Nurse Platt, Paul injured it.|That's why they brought him here.
{25915}{25967}I thought he had diarrhea.
{25968}{26119}But he was limping,|so I guess he did hurt his little stem.
{26120}{26180}Yeah.
{26199}{26247}Okay.
{26248}{26356}So were you... Were you here with him|in the office the whole time?
{26357}{26386}Yeah.
{26387}{26495}Well, except I got hungry, and Paul|said I should get something to eat.
{26496}{26524}His treat.
{26525}{26669}So, I went across the street and got a gyro|at that Greek place, Little Spyros.
{26670}{26768}Have you ever been there? It's so good.
{26769}{26847}Do you mean to tell me|that Paul was alone in here?
{26848}{26934}I mean, so good.
{26988}{27131}How long did you leave Paul|on his own that night?
{27132}{27187}Hey, D.
{27188}{27282}When I go get Greek food,|how long does it take me?
{27283}{27376}About 20 minutes. You|know, more or less.
{27377}{27431}Hey, what's up, Frankie?
{27432}{27489}Look, just get me the sandwich.
{27490}{27559}Yeah, I want a foot-long|spicy Italian sausage.
{27560}{27657}That's right. Yeah. I|got one and I want one.
{27658}{27708}Yeah, see that's a double-entendre.
{27709}{27787}Yeah. That's right.|I coached English for two seasons.
{27788}{27896}I got to go. I got to go.
{27897}{27951}All right, so where were we?
{27952}{28003}Paul Moore's college prospects.
{28004}{28057}You know, grades have never been|Paul's strong suit.
{28058}{28113}But, you know, if he wants to go lvy,|he'll get in.
{28114}{28175}Believe me,|that boy will do whatever it takes to win.
{28176}{28252}That's PMW. That is the Paul Moore way.
{28253}{28335}P-Moore! P-Moore!
{28336}{28422}/The coach gave me Paul's motive|/The nurse, opportunity
{28423}{28472}/My gut said I had my guy
{28473}{28643}/But on the way home, I realized I needed|/an inside source to back it all up
{28644}{28693}/I also needed to get my license
{28694}{28767}/Lately me and the DMV|/weren't seeing eye-to-eye
{28768}{28825}And when parking along a curb|on an uphill slope,
{28826}{28887}we turn our wheels to the... Nope.
{28888}{28999}And when there's a yellow light,|we approach the intersection at a nice...
{29000}{29038}Nope.
{29039}{29231}And when we come to an object|in the road, like a dog, we...
{29260}{29320}Nope.
{29330}{29389}/I was looking for|/corroboration on my story
{29390}{29453}/Woodward and Bernstein|/had their Deep Throat
{29454}{29543}/I needed mine|/Fortunately, I knew just the girl
{29544}{29715}/She sounded hesitant on the phone,|/but told me where I could find her
{29716}{29795}Hey, Chrissy?
{29811}{29924}I'm a friend of your brother Paul.
{29925}{29989}No. No, you're not.
{29990}{30076}How do you know?
{30091}{30126}Okay.
{30127}{30215}Well, has Paul ever taken you|to one of his games before?
{30216}{30303}You're a high-schooler|and you don't have a car?
{30304}{30362}Why don't you have a car?
{30363}{30476}That's irrelevant, Chrissy.
{30477}{30566}I want a unicorn.
{30584}{30612}Neat.
{30613}{30690}You know, when I was your age,|I wanted a pet giraffe.
{30691}{30777}Giraffes suck. Get me a unicorn,
{30778}{30915}and I'll tell you so many secrets about Paul.|Very secret secrets.
{30916}{31048}Here's the thing, Chrissy,|unicorns don't actually exist.
{31049}{31176}A stuffed-animal unicorn, doofus!
{31433}{31517}/Chrissy Moore was|/one unicorn well spent
{31518}{31632}/After she filled in the blanks,|/my story was right there in front of me
{31633}{31700}/But I still had no solid proof
{31701}{31859}/Were my hunches enough|/to write the article?
{31865}{31977}/Fuck it Woodward and Bernstein
{31978}{32045}Hey, I won't tell you|again, Ongatumamwe!
{32046}{32097}This is P-Moore's shampoo!
{32098}{32287}I've got enough clout around here|to get your ass deported for less.
{32288}{32420}You fellows here for the cockfight?
{32751}{32855}This story's going to start, like,|a frigging coup d'etat on this bitch.
{32856}{32981}Thanks, man. I like your dreads.
{33199}{33264}Thanks.
{33316}{33412}I didn't do anything.|I didn't do anything.
{33413}{33481}This is crazy. I didn't do anything.
{33482}{33591}Hey, I'm the president.|I'm the president. I'm Paul Moore.
{33592}{33623}I'm Paul Moore.
{33624}{33675}I didn't do any... I didn't do anything.
{33676}{33755}It's all right. I didn't do anything.|Don't worry.
{33756}{33795}- Open it up.|- I didn't do...
{33796}{33870}Open it up.
{33988}{34018}I don't... I don't know where those...
{34019}{34084}I don't know what those are.|Those aren't Paul Moore's!
{34085}{34153}I don't...
{34154}{34187}I don't know how those got...
{34188}{34227}Let's go.
{34228}{34285}Come on, Paul. Don't fight it.
{34286}{34430}This is crazy. I'm a patsy! I'm a patsy!
{34439}{34504}"But in the end Paul|Moore kept his promise.
{34505}{34574}"He did whatever it took|to get the job done.
{34575}{34703}"Even the unthinkable.|PMW. The Paul Moore way."
{34704}{34780}The name's Bobby Funke.
{34781}{34882}I write for the paper.
{35004}{35084}So I just want everyone to know|that I'm submitting this article
{35085}{35272}to the Northwestern people|with my highest recommendation.
{35536}{35611}I wanted to thank you|for finding the SATs.
{35612}{35724}And for showing me|what a douche Paul really is.
{35725}{35807}See, the thing is, I seem to have lost|my date to homecoming,
{35808}{35860}and I wanted to know|if you'd go with me.
{35861}{35907}You want to go to homecoming with me?
{35908}{35936}Well, not like "go" go.
{35937}{35967}- I mean, not like for real.|- Yeah.
{35968}{36017}It's just everyone already has a date.
{36018}{36047}- Right.|- Except for the mathletes
{36048}{36131}and maybe that wrestler|with the jock itch on his face.
{36132}{36170}So yeah...
{36171}{36255}The only person I can go with is you.
{36256}{36350}I still don't see why|you wanna go with me.
{36351}{36420}Yeah, why not? I mean,|you're like the school's Wolf Blitzer now.
{36421}{36544}Wolf Blitzer's like a TV reporter.|I'm into Woodward and Bernstein.
{36545}{36601}You already have a date?
{36602}{36669}What? No. I just...
{36670}{36753}Great. Then you can pick me up at 8:00.
{36754}{36831}And no wrist corsages.|Get the kind with the pin.
{36832}{36960}I don't mind a little prick|every once in a while.
{36961}{37047}St. Donovan's, good morning.|This is your principal, Mr. "K"irkpatrick.
{37048}{37136}As you know, there's been|a regime change here at the school,
{37137}{37174}and your new president,
{37175}{37246}- Marlon Paizza, is gonna say a few words...|- Piazza.
{37247}{37309}- What?|- Marlon Piazza.
{37310}{37371}/- What's that? Italian?|/- I think so
{37372}{37460}/Marlon Piazza is going to say|/a few words to you Stand by
{37461}{37558}You're on the air. No|effing around, huh?
{37559}{37651}Thank you, sir. Fellow students,
{37652}{37746}this has been a difficult|time for all of us.
{37747}{37802}/But do not lose faith|/in this institution,
{37803}{37907}/because from great tragedy|/comes great triumph
{37908}{38114}/Let me be the first to say|/that the actions of your ex-president
{38197}{38269}It's open.
{38604}{38681}Hey, Marlon.
{39141}{39226}So is it true that she got|a perfect score on her SATs?
{39227}{39416}Yeah, her freshman year.|I'll let you play with her tits for 20 bucks.
{39417}{39522}Hey, Funke. You're good.
{39523}{39563}It's a nice place you got here.
{39564}{39770}Have a good look while you can.|I doubt you'll be coming by again.
{39991}{40074}I guess that I should congratulate you|on your new presidency.
{40075}{40154}Isn't it funny how someone can be|your average cakewalk VP one day
{40155}{40203}and then head of the school the next?
{40204}{40299}Yeah. It's like how someone|can be the school joke one day
{40300}{40384}and then go to homecoming with|the hottest girl at St. Donovan's the next.
{40385}{40423}She's, like, your half-sister, right?
{40424}{40497}Step-sister.
{40498}{40557}Hey, Funke.
{40558}{40642}Hey, Francesca.
{40669}{40770}Wow, you look awesome.
{40784}{40816}Thanks.
{40817}{40877}You look pretty good yourself.
{40878}{40924}Like your shoes.
{40925}{41062}She doesn't have to go|to the hospital again, does she?
{41063}{41100}Is your car out front?
{41101}{41290}Well, it's such a nice night,|I thought that we could walk.
{41795}{41933}Sorry about that. I just can't seem|to get away from my friends sometimes.
{41934}{42014}Yeah. I know what you mean.
{42015}{42125}You still want that dance?
{42144}{42199}Quantum physics is bullshit!
{42200}{42281}Yeah. You don't know|what is inside of a black hole
{42282}{42395}because, you know, stuff goes in
{42396}{42471}but nothing comes out.
{42472}{42592}Just like Laura Hoffner's box.
{43128}{43213}You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
{43214}{43274}I mean, you can be honest.|I don't care either way.
{43275}{43426}I'm just curious. Do|you think I'm a bitch?
{43482}{43532}- "K"ind of.|- Seriously?
{43533}{43635}Well, I mean, no.|Like I thought you were, but... And then...
{43636}{43808}I don't know. Now, I think that maybe|you're just misunderstood.
{43809}{43874}Nobody's misunderstood.
{43875}{44015}That's just what people say|when they don't like who they are.
{44016}{44146}If you think I'm a bitch,|then I guess it's because I am.
{44147}{44187}But then I guess you're going to have|to come to terms
{44188}{44307}with the fact|that you're into a girl who's a bitch.
{44308}{44365}Well, how do you feel|about newspaper dorks?
{44366}{44493}I'll let you know when I see one.
{44742}{44921}Great. You know, I better go get Marlon|before "K"irkpatrick castrates him.
{44922}{45037}Thanks for the dance, Funke.
{45546}{45663}Dude, I think that|chick just winked at me.
{45664}{45700}She's not bad.
{45701}{45762}Yeah, for a pirate.
{45763}{45889}I'm going to go spit in the punch.
{45890}{46001}Hey, you light on your feet, Funke.|That's good.
{46002}{46027}- Thanks.|- But we notice
{46028}{46076}you having a problem out there.
{46077}{46141}- I do? What?|- It's your hard-on.
{46142}{46233}Yeah, that close to a girl like her,|it's natural.
{46234}{46287}I didn't realize it was so obvious.
{46288}{46369}What you're gonna wanna do,|okay, is you tuck that thing
{46370}{46444}into the side of your boxer shorts,|so it runs down the leg.
{46445}{46499}That way you can contain it.
{46500}{46569}It's like getting a stiff rod|when you're taking a dump.
{46570}{46598}A shit boner.
{46599}{46666}Yeah. Then you got to jam it into the bowl|like it owes you money.
{46667}{46762}But you don't want to dunk it.|It's not a clown. Down!
{46763}{46839}But you also don't want to|get the peepee on your shirt.
{46840}{46945}It's a no-win situation.
{46984}{47087}At ease, gentlemen.|Erections or otherwise.
{47088}{47175}I remember similar conversations|with my men
{47176}{47289}when we were tracking the towel-heads|to their "tariqs"
{47290}{47396}Pitch-black little spider holes|no wider than a hula hoop.
{47397}{47488}Like the Charlotte, the web.
{47489}{47574}Do you understand what he's saying?
{47575}{47701}Fear, Mr. Delacruz.|That's what I'm talking about. Fear.
{47702}{47783}Fear is the middle name of war,|Mr. Delacruz.
{47784}{47825}I learned that in the Storm.
{47826}{47921}What is the Storm, sir?
{47922}{48047}Two hundred and thirteen days in country.|Terrible heat.
{48048}{48167}The sound of mortar fire day and night|ringing in your ears.
{48168}{48254}The occasional dog exploding.
{48255}{48294}But I used to lead men.
{48295}{48395}Men that reminded me of you, Mr. Funke.
{48396}{48487}On your feet, son.
{48532}{48606}I want to thank you for your help|in getting those SATs back.
{48607}{48682}Yeah, don't worry about it.
{48683}{48772}- I'm sorry for being such a jerk-off.|- It's okay.
{48773}{48892}If I ever catch you chewing that in class,|I'll kill you.
{48893}{48961}- You read me?|- Like Cliff Notes, sir.
{48962}{49106}Good. Go out there and have a good time.
{49430}{49463}How's it feel?
{49464}{49516}Like I just got punched in the mouth.
{49517}{49619}My life is over now, dick!|I didn't steal those SATs!
{49620}{49692}Then where were you|between 7:45 and 8:10 that night?
{49693}{49783}Who the hell do you think you are?|Inspector Gadget?
{49784}{49881}You really think I'd chance|everything for a test score?
{49882}{49941}I'd already gotten into Cornell.
{49942}{49996}Well, then why did you take|the SATs again?
{49997}{50072}I just wanted to see|if I could do better.
{50073}{50282}Man, you wouldn't know the truth|if it was staring you in the face.
{50373}{50448}/Hello, Cornell Goodbye, motive
{50449}{50494}/I still thought Paul was an asshole,
{50495}{50584}/but maybe he wasn't the kind of asshole|/who'd steal the SATs
{50585}{50763}/That sting wasn't my mouth|/I was starting to doubt my story
{50764}{50938}Well done, Bobby.|You got into the Northwestern program.
{50939}{50972}Wait, one more thing.
{50973}{51025}Some grad student by the name of|Striedel will be in contact
{51026}{51056}to fact-check the article.
{51057}{51101}It's just a formality.
{51102}{51196}You're on your way.
{51260}{51328}/Sure I was on my way To the gallows
{51329}{51363}/lf I didn't set the story straight
{51364}{51419}/before the fact-checker|/found something crooked,
{51420}{51463}/Northwestern would go south
{51464}{51505}/And then I'd be blacklisted|/from every paper
{51506}{51653}/and college journalism program|/in the country
{51654}{51692}/In-school suspension
{51693}{51796}/Cruel and unusual punishment|/reserved solely for dangerous offenders
{51797}{51838}/Rocky was on permanent lockdown
{51839}{52009}/for doing a custom paint job|/on Kirkpatrick's car
{52254}{52357}I'm going to need five|minutes with Moore.
{52358}{52440}You got three.
{52616}{52694}Aren't you supposed to be in homeroom?
{52695}{52731}Maybe I got to thinking.
{52732}{52873}Maybe you should have done that sooner.
{52951}{52992}Where were you that night?
{52993}{53031}You think it's that easy?
{53032}{53114}You think I can just tell you where I was|and it's gonna set it all straight?
{53115}{53171}I mean, take a look around you, Funke!
{53172}{53224}I'm screwed now no matter what I say.
{53225}{53347}So then just tell me the truth.
{53411}{53511}If you didn't do it, I'm all you got.
{53512}{53593}And you only got me|for one more minute, so spill it!
{53594}{53661}Come on.
{53736}{53800}Last year I did some things|on the basketball court
{53801}{53858}I'm not exactly proud of.
{53859}{53902}Like what?
{53903}{53988}Shaving points. Twice last season.
{53989}{54127}It was two times too many.|I only did it because I needed the money.
{54128}{54170}What for?
{54171}{54211}It doesn't matter.
{54212}{54287}When I was approached this year,|I turned them down.
{54288}{54335}We had a shot at State.
{54336}{54399}I wasn't going to mess that up|for my senior year.
{54400}{54528}So this person who approached you,|you think that he may have set you up?
{54529}{54625}I don't know. Maybe.
{54780}{54859}Give me his name.|What's his name, Moore?
{54860}{54949}Look, if you don't get cooperative,|I can't help you!
{54950}{54982}You've got to give me his name, now!
{54983}{55027}You got to start|thinking with your head!
{55028}{55078}You know the amount of power|that comes with the presidency!
{55079}{55126}Everybody wants a piece of me!
{55127}{55163}All right, time's up, Funke.
{55164}{55265}You're getting the animals all riled up.
{55266}{55323}What's his name, Moore?
{55324}{55367}Look, I said time's up.
{55368}{55423}- Give me his name.|- Come on. Come on.
{55424}{55469}- What's his name?|- Freddy Bismark.
{55470}{55583}Where do I find him? Moore!
{55709}{55843}/Bobby Funke,|/please report to the office immediately
{55844}{55891}- Hello?|/- Robert Funke?
{55892}{55959}Hey, yeah.|Well, actually it's pronounced "Funk".
{55960}{56039}/No, it's not This is Ben Striedel,|/Northwestern University
{56040}{56088}/I'm fact-checking|/your story here, chief
{56089}{56143}/It's not bad Not exactly good, either
{56144}{56175}Excuse me?
{56176}{56215}/So we're going to need|/the following from you
{56216}{56247}/Transcriptions of your interviews
{56248}{56312}/A bibliography, MLA style match
{56313}{56366}/Your notes Pretty much anything|/pertaining to your story
{56367}{56411}Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
{56412}{56471}I'm just going to need some time|to get it together.
{56472}{56533}So can I get your number or something?
{56534}{56561}/No
{56562}{56653}Wait! What? Hello?
{56835}{56879}/I had to find Freddy Bismark
{56880}{56924}/And there was one place|/I knew I could track down
{56925}{56981}/even the most elusive characters
{56982}{57038}It's freaky, isn't it?
{57039}{57118}And apparently, they just got results|back from the ACTs.
{57119}{57195}Some of our best and|brightest bombed it.
{57196}{57236}Really?
{57237}{57325}You see Shamus Finnle over there?
{57326}{57423}- His teeth are chattering.|- It's probably from the Prylert.
{57424}{57488}Really? I didn't know|that Shamus had ADD.
{57489}{57553}For a reporter, you're|really out of the loop.
{57554}{57615}Half the school is taking|Prylert right now,
{57616}{57682}or Axitol or Ripenol, maybe Faldox.
{57683}{57746}All just nice words for speed.
{57747}{57807}If a kid needs a study aid,|he'll find a way to get one.
{57808}{57847}Shamus Finnle.
{57848}{57934}Supply and demand, son.
{57935}{57968}/I found Freddy Bismark
{57969}{58090}/where all high-school graduates|/go on to live in infamy
{58091}{58143}/They say a picture|/is worth 1,000 words,
{58144}{58219}/but his senior quote|/is worth a goddamn encyclopedia
{58220}{58267}/"Dolla dolla bills, y'all!"
{58268}{58333}You're not supposed to|be looking at that.
{58334}{58420}It's called study hall|because you're supposed to study.
{58421}{58517}What are you, a cop?
{59613}{59730}I'm looking for the business.
{59882}{59973}And no, no, you cannot pay me back|on your meal card.
{59974}{60034}I need cash. This is a|business I'm running.
{60035}{60107}I know it's your bar mitzvah money,|but I have to take it.
{60108}{60187}You lost the bet.
{60188}{60215}Yes.
{60216}{60272}I will take... Yes, I'll a check!
{60273}{60341}But if it bounces, I'm coming after you.
{60342}{60494}This is real stuff. You owe me 20 bucks!|Goodbye.
{60495}{60581}I'm sorry, we're closed for the semester.|No more pledges.
{60582}{60650}I'm here about Paul Moore.
{60651}{60686}Suck it!
{60687}{60729}Let me explain something to you.
{60730}{60792}I don't know thing one about Paul Moore.
{60793}{60857}His name means nothing to me.
{60858}{60944}I have kids on over half the teams|on this district.
{60945}{61038}And those pill poppers|are begging me to throw games.
{61039}{61089}And if I had to go out|and personally frame each one
{61090}{61129}that didn't want to|brick a lay-up for me,
{61130}{61189}I wouldn't have time|to spend the money that I make.
{61190}{61285}And as you can see,|I like spending the money that I make!
{61286}{61397}I mean, look around.|That painting is from the 16th Chapel.
{61398}{61459}That's the first chapel ever.
{61460}{61498}So what was the money for?
{61499}{61547}Oh, my God!|I'm going to slap you in the face.
{61548}{61600}I don't know. He was|having girl problems!
{61601}{61627}What's that supposed to mean?
{61628}{61692}He was having problems|with girls. All right?
{61693}{61743}Come on, for a fellow Friar.
{61744}{61825}No! Not for a fellow Friar.|For you to get the fuck out of here!
{61826}{61892}Okay. It was some chick from Mc"K"inley.|That's all I know.
{61893}{61956}Now, I'll see you, little man.
{61957}{62058}Don't hurt yourselves.
{62111}{62256}/lf Freddy Bismark didn't frame Paul,|/then maybe the girl problem was behind it
{62257}{62306}There's the old wise guy.
{62307}{62334}Elliot.
{62335}{62364}Those pubes come in yet?
{62365}{62411}You still eating your|mom's dirty tampons?
{62412}{62442}/Only when I'm hungry
{62443}{62492}So as I was saying on the phone,
{62493}{62562}I managed to implicate|our school president in a sordid theft
{62563}{62636}and in the process steal his girlfriend.
{62637}{62712}- So what's the problem?|- Bitch.
{62713}{62778}I'm not so sure the guy did it anymore.
{62779}{62858}Have you ever seen this guy around?
{62859}{62947}Yeah, that's Valerie's boyfriend.|You're dating Valerie?
{62948}{63008}The plot thickens, Elliot.
{63009}{63053}I get it, peach fuzz.
{63054}{63131}You think maybe I got tired|of being Paul's little plaything?
{63132}{63205}Thought I'd teach him a lesson?|It wasn't like that.
{63206}{63239}What do you mean?
{63240}{63349}Paul and I had something real, okay?|He could be himself around me.
{63350}{63445}So what was the money for, then?
{63446}{63486}That's got nothing to do with anything.
{63487}{63563}Look, Valerie,
{63564}{63746}if Paul's innocent,|then you can help him by helping me.
{63811}{63862}Okay.
{63863}{63942}Ready for the after-school special|they call my life?
{63943}{64027}I owed money to some unpleasant people.
{64028}{64103}They were ready to collect on me|as interest.
{64104}{64212}Paul wouldn't stand for it.|Someone tells him about Freddy Bismark.
{64213}{64278}Paul has two off nights.
{64279}{64315}My debt goes away.
{64316}{64415}Paul threw two games for you.
{64416}{64556}He would've thrown the entire season|if I'd asked him to.
{64557}{64604}/Valerie was another dead end
{64605}{64652}/lf Paul was keeping her a secret,
{64653}{64809}/I wondered|/what else he was holding back on
{65167}{65303}/I know that some of you kids know|/that I fought in Desert Storm
{65304}{65347}/And you know why? I|/fought for you kids,
{65348}{65403}/and I fought for this country|/and this school!
{65404}{65456}/For St Donovan's!
{65457}{65527}/It's no joke!
{65528}{65577}/Sometimes, I don't know,|/I can get carried away,
{65578}{65651}/but I wrote this song last night|/and I want you to sing it with me
{65652}{65728}/lf you want, you can sing it,|/you can march, yeah!
{65729}{65854}/Come on, kids, sing it with me!
{65932}{65973}What's going on?
{65974}{66040}"K"irkpatrick's on some|school-spirit rampage.
{66041}{66143}He canceled a. m. classes|to have a pep rally.
{66144}{66242}"Merci, K"irkpatrick.
{66374}{66549}/You can sing if you want|/You can march if you want!
{66924}{66986}Moore.
{67234}{67331}/And on that note, St Donovan's
{67332}{67414}/Marlon Piazza
{67719}{67796}/For far too long|/we have stood as a school divided
{67797}{67912}/Today let us stand together
{67973}{68047}/Let us create a better tomorrow
{68048}{68235}/As I stand here today|/I don't see freshman or sophomores
{68384}{68466}/I see Friars!
{68696}{68747}Marlon, can you hear me?
{68748}{68863}It's a paintball, you pussy!
{68970}{69063}This way! This way, children!
{69064}{69153}I'm hit! I'm hit!
{69372}{69434}Moore!
{69968}{70043}I'm going to go to the vending machine|for some pretzels.
{70044}{70109}Do you want anything from downstairs?
{70110}{70206}How about a bandage?
{70272}{70344}Forget it.
{70676}{70704}Nurse Platt's phone.
{70705}{70752}/Just got word your boy shot some kids
{70753}{70821}/How does that sit with the facts|/of your story, I'd like to ask, Funke?
{70822}{70891}Striedel, how the hell did you...
{70892}{70923}/I have not Yes, yes
{70924}{70985}/I have not received your notes|/on the story, boss
{70986}{71079}Well, yeah, I know I've been|doing some backtracking to,
{71080}{71114}you know, locate everything.
{71115}{71171}/Backtracking, huh?|/There was a kid a few years back,
{71172}{71207}/said he was doing some backtracking
{71208}{71271}/Turned out he fabricated the whole story|/to get into the program
{71272}{71336}/They kicked him out, of course|/Blackballed him
{71337}{71387}/Last I heard he was working|/as a pharmaceutical test subject
{71388}{71428}/for carpal tunnel syndrome
{71429}{71460}/Your story's thin, kid
{71461}{71523}/Do you really think|/you can pull one over on Ben Striedel?
{71524}{71629}/I want your notes, stat
{71745}{71803}Hey.
{71823}{71899}There's something that|I need to tell you.
{71900}{71982}Not before I get to say thank you.
{71983}{72015}For what?
{72016}{72110}For saving my life out there.
{72111}{72171}It was just a paintball gun.
{72172}{72224}Yeah, but you didn't know that, did you?
{72225}{72309}Look, Francesca, as|an ethical journalist
{72310}{72407}and a man who's dedicated to the truth,
{72408}{72597}I think you should know|that your boyfriend was probably...
{72635}{72723}He's not my boyfriend.
{72724}{72851}Now what did you want to tell me?
{73101}{73166}That was nice shooting|out there, Mr. Moore.
{73167}{73255}Another three inches to the left|and you would have had a kill shot on me.
{73256}{73404}You got this all wrong.|I didn't steal the SATs.
{73405}{73439}Anything else?
{73440}{73543}Yeah. This place sucks!
{73546}{73692}You'll be sucking soon|enough, Mr. Moore.
{73788}{73892}/They locked Paul away at some|/undisclosed private institution
{73893}{74078}/My story put him there|/Now it was my job to get him out
{74108}{74252}I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
{74720}{74825}Meds, three times a day.
{74846}{74904}PMW.
{74956}{75018}Paul Moore way.
{75019}{75086}Paul, I need your help.
{75087}{75219}I know someone framed you|for stealing the SATs,
{75220}{75319}but I just don't know who.|Who do you think framed you?
{75320}{75438}Who set you up? Come on, Paul.
{75439}{75556}Are you here to take me home?
{75589}{75654}/After three hours,|/the only thing I got out of Paul
{75655}{75719}/was a sinking feeling in my stomach
{75720}{75836}All right, Mitch, we're looking for weapons,|obviously, anything that can kill a student.
{75837}{75935}"K"nives, guns. But it's|not always obvious.
{75936}{76003}Are you kidding me?|You know the rule about gum!
{76004}{76083}Raise your arms, please. With the women,|you want to use the backs of the hands.
{76084}{76143}The backs of the hands, Mitch.
{76144}{76204}Last rule. Most important rule.
{76205}{76239}You're gonna wanna fuck them.
{76240}{76359}Do not fuck the students,|do you understand?
{76360}{76401}/The scene of the crime
{76402}{76490}/Give a lunatic a paintball gun|/and you'd expect a Jackson Pollock
{76491}{76548}/But Paul was more precise
{76549}{76609}/Every shot counted But for what?
{76610}{76685}/Francesca? That's easy|/She broke his heart
{76686}{76735}/Me? I broke the story
{76736}{76785}/Kirkpatrick? Mercy killing
{76786}{76856}/But what about Alex Schneider,|/the school treasurer?
{76857}{76901}/What about Marlon and the Mullens?
{76902}{76973}/They were his friends|/and fellow members of the student council
{76974}{77074}/lf Paul's painting meant something,|/maybe those guys could explain it to me
{77075}{77147}Yo, check it out,|it's that slut Laura Hoffner.
{77148}{77211}Dude, you don't even|want to know what I did to that ass!
{77212}{77308}Probably the same thing|I did to your mom's ass.
{77309}{77417}Dude, that's Mom. Our mom.
{77418}{77451}Yeah.
{77452}{77547}Yo, yo, check it out. I got this move|that I like to call the operator, right?
{77548}{77599}It's when I'm railing a girl,
{77600}{77649}and then I reach down|and steal her cell phone
{77650}{77727}and I call up her dad so he can listen|to me do her.
{77728}{77876}- Yeah, Daddy. Yes...|- Father's very special.
{77877}{77957}Are you lost, freshman?
{77958}{77993}Why did he shoot you, Marlon?
{77994}{78021}He shot you, too, didn't he?
{78022}{78050}Yeah. Well, he shot you first.
{78051}{78139}Hey, you want detention|for the rest of your life, fuck face?
{78140}{78215}Hey, Funke, why don't you...|Why don't you come to my house on Friday?
{78216}{78243}I'm gonna have a little party.
{78244}{78269}No, dude. Come on.
{78270}{78350}It's okay. I mean, he just wants|to ask me some questions, right?
{78351}{78403}For the school paper.
{78404}{78442}I mean, I don't want to|get on his bad side.
{78443}{78572}We all saw what happened to Moore.
{79405}{79499}Funke, you made it.
{79526}{79568}So this is a party.
{79569}{79622}Yeah, well, you knew enough|to be fashionably late.
{79623}{79693}Well, no, actually I|had a flat tire, so...
{79694}{79761}Twenty bucks says that toothpaste|doesn't do a goddamn thing.
{79762}{79807}I'll fucking smoke it myself.
{79808}{79849}Smoke what you got, man.
{79850}{79875}You want a beer?
{79876}{80042}Well, actually I have to get up early|for my driver's test. Okay.
{80043}{80088}It's good.
{80089}{80149}It's like a good brew, it's really...|It's really cold.
{80150}{80265}I'm so going to corrupt you.
{80514}{80571}- Shit! No!|- Okay, man.
{80572}{80625}Hey, Marlon, you and Paul Moore
{80626}{80683}have been on the student council together|for two years.
{80684}{80715}In all that time did he ever seem...
{80716}{80765}- Funke.|- Yeah?
{80766}{80845}It's a party.
{80848}{81001}Yeah, Funke,|you can put this on the record, okay?
{81002}{81081}Tastes minty.
{81107}{81148}Tastes like a veal cutlet.
{81149}{81270}No, it's like... It's like a baby lamb chop|with the mint jelly.
{81271}{81335}Tastes like a joint, you fags!
{81336}{81382}Beer pong. Just focus on the cup.
{81383}{81524}Come on, Funke,|give me your best shot.
{81864}{81936}Nice shot!
{81997}{82057}Goal!
{82299}{82371}Hold this.
{83656}{83723}All right, let's play this game.
{83724}{83813}I've got winners.
{83894}{83937}- Yo, what do you want us to do with him?|- Take him upstairs.
{83938}{83963}Tie him up.
{83964}{84071}I can take another one of those two bitches,|all right? Give me one.
{84072}{84175}Where's the toothpaste?
{84189}{84239}Hey, it's baby Funke.
{84240}{84303}Take it. Take it like a man.
{84304}{84402}The little prick told me he was going|to a seminar on surveillance technology.
{84403}{84500}I feel bad for him.|He's totally gaga for that cum-dumpster.
{84501}{84695}A single pussy hair|can pull a battleship through the desert.
{84712}{84771}- Hey. What are you guys doing here?|- Think about it.
{84772}{84839}The real question is,|what are you doing here?
{84840}{84898}I'm just... I'm doing research|for the school paper.
{84899}{85021}Yeah. You're writing a story|on Francesca's pink beav.
{85022}{85063}No, seriously.
{85064}{85153}Listen to me.|You need to sink the pink tonight, "hermano"
{85154}{85236}I hope you... before,|that way you can last.
{85237}{85298}Yeah. You don't want to be a premie.
{85299}{85326}A premie?
{85327}{85360}Word gets around.
{85361}{85456}It's true. She's used to Paul Moore.|That guy can last.
{85457}{85507}How do you know?
{85508}{85575}- I just know.|- Hey, Funke, listen.
{85576}{85746}After you come,|you're going to hate her, hate her.
{85748}{85844}I don't know why, but you will.
{85845}{85902}- Well, I got to get back.|- To do the story.
{85903}{85942}- Right?|- Right.
{85943}{85975}Dig deep, "hermano"
{85976}{86065}Yeah, balls deep.
{86066}{86133}See you guys on Monday.
{86134}{86207}"K"eep it going. Come on. Give me something.|Give me something.
{86208}{86268}Yeah!
{86280}{86311}Work with me!
{86312}{86407}Hey, stranger. So I wanted to talk to you|about a follow-up to your story.
{86408}{86509}I was thinking like maybe an editorial piece|on the student council or something.
{86510}{86559}- Clara.|- Yeah?
{86560}{86639}It's a party.
{86888}{86941}Isn't this Marlon's room?
{86942}{87036}Yeah, well, somebody|already passed out in my bed.
{87037}{87116}Well, then won't he mind|that we're in here?
{87117}{87203}He doesn't care.
{87276}{87353}Cool planes.
{87547}{87624}What are you doing with me?
{87625}{87703}What kind of a question is that?
{87704}{87735}A good one.
{87736}{87822}Hey, I like you.
{87844}{87989}I like the way you look at me.|Like it's for real, you know?
{87990}{88126}Like you don't have to impress anyone.
{88127}{88209}Like if tomorrow|St. Donovan's would just disappear
{88210}{88349}you'd still look at me the way you do.
{88380}{88468}You get me, Funke.
{88469}{88584}I tried on, like, 11 shirts|before I came over here.
{88585}{88684}Yeah? Well, you know, I don't like it.
{88685}{88810}I think you need to take it off.
{88951}{89043}When do your parents come home?
{89044}{89103}My dad's out of town until Tuesday.
{89104}{89161}What about your mom?
{89162}{89228}My mom's dead, Funke.
{89229}{89291}Sorry.
{89399}{89473}I want you.
{89539}{89613}You get me.
{90134}{90273}Hey, Ashwood, you're pissing yourself.
{90648}{90708}Fuck.
{90768}{90855}Funke. Hey, Funke, untie me.
{90856}{90952}- Cipriato.|- Funke!
{90982}{91070}You're doing considerably better|this time around, Mr. Funke.
{91071}{91143}Thank you.
{91224}{91295}What are you doing?
{91296}{91419}Sorry, I just thought that|I should adjust this mirror a smidge.
{91420}{91519}- Safety first.|- That's very good of you, Mr. Funke.
{91520}{91585}I know.
{91677}{91808}/The Mullens' van Grass, gas or ass|/Nobody rode for free
{91809}{91972}/What were the good brothers|/doing up so early?
{91982}{92044}You know, I think I'm just going|to parallel-park here.
{92045}{92097}I was just going to have you|do that back at the DMV lot.
{92098}{92175}Yeah, I know but this|is such a challenging spot.
{92176}{92289}I'm really feeling it today.|For me, it's all about the aesthetic.
{92290}{92395}- The aesthetic?|- Yeah.
{92561}{92651}Well, I must say, Mr. Funke,|that was some mighty fine parking.
{92652}{92791}Yeah, that was pretty good, wasn't it?
{92795}{93008}/Two pharmacies in five minutes|/That must've been some case of crabs
{93153}{93184}Well, I never thought I'd see the day,
{93185}{93270}but I'd say you're about to|get yourself a driver's license.
{93271}{93365}- Really?|- Really.
{93504}{93599}/It was my license or the scoop|/My freedom or the truth
{93600}{93667}Woodward and Bernstein.|Woodward and Bernstein.
{93668}{93731}All you have to do is get me back|to the DMV in one piece...
{93732}{93791}Hey! Hey! Hey!
{93792}{93867}Put your foot on that brake. Come on!|Stop the car!
{93868}{94029}Put your foot on the brake!|What are you doing?
{94082}{94159}/Four pharmacies|/and a dozen traffic violations later,
{94160}{94219}/Alex Schneider and the Mullens|/were still making the rounds
{94220}{94275}So I guess I'll see you next month.
{94276}{94405}- Get the fuck out.|- Fair enough.
{94407}{94489}/My driver's test|/had posed some new questions
{94490}{94557}/Fortunately, I knew just the people|/to help me find the answers
{94558}{94595}This is going to cost you, you know?
{94596}{94655}What's going on, Landis?
{94656}{94791}You're not supposed to do that|unless there's a fire.
{94792}{94883}Can't you see the fire, lamb chop?
{94884}{94967}It's in my heart.
{94968}{95076}And it's burning for you.
{95085}{95127}Where'd you get all those keys?
{95128}{95271}- I'm sleeping with the janitor.|- Seriously?
{95272}{95351}Later, Funke.
{95659}{95735}/I didn't know what I|/was looking for exactly
{95736}{95850}/But so far,|/every clue had one common denominator
{95851}{95947}/The student council
{96868}{96929}See, man, cut it, cut it. Look...
{96930}{96989}- What's up?|- Dude, we're gonna need some beers, man,
{96990}{97059}because I'm not feeling it|unless I got my rhyme sauce.
{97060}{97154}And make sure it's cold.
{97155}{97213}Yo, yo, yo. Get me some antacid, too,|while you're at it.
{97214}{97314}I got mad indigestion, bro.
{97315}{97461}- Let's do this shit.|- Okay. No, no, no.
{97800}{97834}You guys sound really good in there.
{97835}{97915}Jesus, Funke!|What the hell are you doing in my car!
{97916}{97970}Just a little light reading.
{97971}{98063}Student council treasury ledger.|It's a real page-turner, isn't it?
{98064}{98167}Money disappears and then reappears.|Schneider is a regular Houdini.
{98168}{98212}I don't know|what you're talking about, Funke.
{98213}{98244}Sure you do, Marty.
{98245}{98328}But maybe it's time|for you to come clean.
{98329}{98364}Become your own man.
{98365}{98497}You know what, Funke? You're right.
{98668}{98857}Try not to get blood on the carpet.|My mom will get pissed.
{99279}{99360}Francesca, hey, pick up.|I need to talk to you about Paul.
{99361}{99416}Did he ever mention anything about
{99417}{99484}Schneider or the Mullens|having a drug problem?
{99485}{99526}Anyway, I'll try you again later.
{99527}{99650}Okay. I love you.|I mean, I love hanging out with you.
{99651}{99697}/Oh, Gertrude
{99698}{99815}/My anaconda is sore|/and it needs a massage
{99816}{99890}/I love you
{100141}{100207}Hey, what's going on?
{100208}{100271}Didn't you hear?
{100272}{100327}No.
{100386}{100492}Here, here, breathe that in, Funke.
{100493}{100585}/The big news was that everyone|/had to retake the SATs
{100586}{100679}/The stolen tests had been nullified|/under suspicion of tampering
{100680}{100735}/But I had my own suspicions to follow
{100736}{100790}/I needed to stay on their tail
{100791}{100857}/I needed evidence I needed photos|/I needed
{100858}{100906}Hey, stinky.
{100907}{101045}I think you need to come home with me.
{101046}{101133}You know, I'm concerned about the lack|of parental supervision at your house.
{101134}{101254}Yeah? You want to be my daddy?
{101571}{101622}Is that a good look?
{101623}{101738}You're like a cool dinosaur.
{102047}{102111}I can't see anything right now.
{102112}{102203}I'm totally blind.
{102205}{102292}/Paul, the Northwestern program
{102293}{102350}/Suddenly none of it seemed to matter
{102351}{102482}/The hole in my side, the one|/that always kept me hungry, was gone
{102483}{102600}/Guess that meant I was happy
{102852}{102909}You shouldn't have done that.
{102910}{102966}/"Funke, frosh,|/steals tests and pins it on the prez
{102967}{103000}/"for a bid at Fran's hand"
{103001}{103035}Son of a bitch!
{103036}{103175}/One thing was clear,|/Tad Goltz couldn't write for shit
{103176}{103255}- What the hell is this!|- You tell me.
{103256}{103289}There's no way that story checks out!
{103290}{103340}Schneider has been cooking the books!
{103341}{103388}What does that have to|do with Paul Moore?
{103389}{103455}Nothing, but maybe Moore had nothing to do|with the SATs
{103456}{103504}- in the first place.|- Bobby, just stop.
{103505}{103547}I really believed in you.
{103548}{103590}And I thought that you were|one of the few kids in school
{103591}{103705}that didn't need to be popular.
{103706}{103823}I'm recommending that Tad|get your summer scholarship.
{103824}{103872}What?
{103873}{103978}I'm late for AP English.
{104245}{104321}Smooth move, Doctor Love.
{104322}{104381}You actually think|I went to all the trouble of stealing
{104382}{104433}the SATs just so I could go out|with Francesca?
{104434}{104489}I would.
{104490}{104559}Francesca and I are in love, Cipriato.
{104560}{104656}Maybe that's something|you can't emotionally comprehend yet.
{104657}{104712}Asshole!
{104713}{104768}Francesca. Francesca, it's not true.
{104769}{104799}Goltz is full of shit!
{104800}{104856}Did Paul steal them or not?
{104857}{104911}Well, I don't think|so, but that's not...
{104912}{104939}I trusted you, Funke.
{104940}{104989}This is bigger than me and you. Okay?
{104990}{105084}This is bigger than|Paul Moore. This is...
{105085}{105135}Francesca.
{105136}{105292}Francesca, look,|you got to believe me, okay?
{105330}{105422}Can I just get the hall pass?
{105423}{105505}The hall pass.
{105532}{105649}I got to talk to some people.
{105740}{105778}Could I just get the hall pass, please?
{105779}{105843}No, sit down.
{105844}{105966}- Please, I need...|- Sit down.
{106330}{106416}I don't have it.
{106424}{106475}"Porque no" 'Cause I'm the only one|in this whole class
{106476}{106593}who didn't copy it off Steve!
{106692}{106853}Yeah, well, "no me gusta"|any of this bullshit!
{107091}{107131}Thank God you got me out of there.
{107132}{107209}You wouldn't believe some of the stuff|that I've uncovered.
{107210}{107261}I don't even know where to start.
{107262}{107311}Point shaving, theft, embezzling.
{107312}{107343}A pharmaceutical drug ring.
{107344}{107407}- Is that gum in your mouth?|- There's these pills, right?
{107408}{107516}- Half the school...|- I just asked you, are you chewing gum?
{107517}{107563}That's... That's irrelevant.
{107564}{107611}I think there's something|really serious going on here.
{107612}{107699}You seem to be a little foggy|as to why I'm here, Mr. Funke.
{107700}{107783}From what I understand, you've made|a mockery of this entire high school.
{107784}{107844}You seem to think|that this is some kind of circus
{107845}{107904}and that I am some kind of clown.
{107905}{107960}I'm not an effing clown.
{107961}{108019}And I'm not here to bring joy
{108020}{108150}and love and light and laughter|into your effing heart!
{108151}{108231}Now I'm going to ask you one more time.
{108232}{108323}And this time I expect an answer.
{108324}{108375}Is
{108376}{108427}that
{108428}{108479}gum
{108480}{108562}in your mouth?
{108630}{108731}Is this gum in my mouth?
{108732}{108846}Is this gum in my mouth?|Yeah, it is, actually. It's gum.
{108847}{108932}It's gum. It's gum! It's gum! It's gum!|It's gum! It's gum!
{108933}{109035}I chew it all the time, 24"l"7.|I've got a fucking jumbo pack
{109036}{109083}in my pocket right now!
{109084}{109201}My locker, filled to the brim with gum!|No books, just gum!
{109202}{109242}Now I am trying to talk to you
{109243}{109287}about matters|of the utmost importance here,
{109288}{109420}and you're talking to me about gum?
{109956}{110019}Bathroom breaks, you get one.|Right after lunch.
{110020}{110070}Bring your work in first|thing in the morning,
{110071}{110119}which means you can get it done|by the end of third period.
{110120}{110159}Which is nice because|it gives you the rest of the day
{110160}{110204}to pretty much do whatever.
{110205}{110294}You get 15 minutes in the yard,|twice a week.
{110295}{110429}Mind and body, Funke, mind and body.
{110535}{110596}What should I do about Francesca?
{110597}{110748}Get some good porn and|pray that she calls.
{111187}{111267}- Hello?|/- Hello, dickhead
{111268}{111297}You have got to be kidding me.
{111298}{111324}/I've got two stories on my desk
{111325}{111379}/and one contradicts|/the living shit out of the other
{111380}{111449}/Did you really think that you could|/pull one over on old Ben Striedel?
{111450}{111511}/Did you?|/Because that's wholesale crazy, chief!
{111512}{111591}/I have a 175 IQ|/That means I skipped the third grade
{111592}{111646}You don't understand, Striedel.|I was framed.
{111647}{111726}The school treasurer is moving|money around to sell drugs.
{111727}{111805}/That's rich Now you're going to|/frame the treasurer?
{111806}{111843}/Is the class secretary next?
{111844}{111879}/What's the money got to do|/with stolen SATs?
{111880}{111940}Nothing.|They're two completely separate things.
{111941}{111975}/Let me give you a freebie, kid
{111976}{112014}/Money's got something|/to do with everything
{112015}{112074}/That's Investigative Journalism 101
{112075}{112286}/Follow the money, dipshit|/You got till Monday to give me the truth
{112504}{112580}I'm gonna call a time out.
{112581}{112619}Time out?
{112620}{112702}That was good.
{112727}{112764}l-3.
{112765}{112801}It's a hit! Fuck!
{112802}{112850}I told you putting it in|there was a bad idea.
{112851}{112923}Really, Stinky Landy?|I put it where you wanna put it.
{112924}{112979}That's nice. Is it new?
{112980}{113029}No, it's my mom's.
{113030}{113068}Well, connect the dots.
{113069}{113109}I told you not to line|up the ships like that.
{113110}{113213}It's like Pearl Harbor.
{113216}{113289}Could you guys please|just use your library voices.
{113290}{113339}Sorry, I'm just trying to think.
{113340}{113389}You can't let Goltz get|one up on you, Funke.
{113390}{113512}That guy is an enormous vagina.
{113748}{113798}/Connect the dots
{113799}{113904}/Connect them, come here
{114000}{114056}What are you looking at, Funke?
{114057}{114083}Funke, where you go?
{114084}{114185}These four walls.|You just stay, bounce... Like a pinball.
{114186}{114294}That's it. You can't run.
{114404}{114495}Hey, hall monitor!
{115359}{115431}Francesca?
{115600}{115672}Francesca?
{115709}{115781}Francesca?
{116431}{116486}/Mathematically, it's a|/percentage of your life
{116487}{116598}/Four years, 48 months, 1,461 days
{116599}{116673}/High school is prom, football games,|/boyfriends, girlfriends,
{116674}{116786}/party at the rich kid's house|/Fun, simple, wholesome
{116787}{116837}/But it's really anything but
{116838}{116902}/High school might be|/the least wholesome four years of your life
{116903}{116980}/And there's nothing simple about it
{116981}{117051}/High school is ugly,|/hard and complicated
{117052}{117151}/As complicated as a conspiracy|/to assassinate the president
{117152}{117284}/A conspiracy about to be uncovered
{117938}{117978}/Alex Schneider and the Mullen brothers
{117979}{118068}/had been selling prescription drugs|/since their sophomore year
{118069}{118169}/The Mullens' dad was an orthopedist|/with a habit of boning his patients
{118170}{118246}/When he split with one of them,|/the hip doctor left his family his van
{118247}{118302}/and a box of prescription pads
{118303}{118435}/The brothers made due|/with their inheritance
{118436}{118499}/But the Mullens weren't competent enough|/to run things on their own
{118500}{118527}Yo, shit biscuit!
{118528}{118618}These bottles aren't|going to fill themselves.
{118619}{118691}/Initially, the market for|/academic performance enhancers
{118692}{118751}/wasn't as ripe as they'd hoped
{118752}{118862}/So like good businessmen,|/they created a demand
{118863}{118911}/They sabotaged tests|/throughout the school,
{118912}{119014}/targeting the students|/they knew would fold from the pressure
{119015}{119107}/lf you erase enough bubbles,|/you can erase a kid's future
{119108}{119153}Supply and demand, son.
{119154}{119204}/Business boomed
{119205}{119282}/So much so that they started|/dipping into student council funds
{119283}{119352}/to use as venture capital
{119353}{119428}/P Moore wasn't exactly Alan Greenspan,
{119429}{119486}/but it didn't take|/an economic genius to figure out
{119487}{119583}/that hundreds of dollars|/were being shifted around weekly
{119584}{119632}/Paul told Marlon what he'd discovered,
{119633}{119711}/said he was going to put the kibosh|/on Alex's creative accounting
{119712}{119756}/Marlon couldn't have that
{119757}{119947}/Things were too good He had big plans|/and the president was in the way
{119948}{120077}/He needed Paul out of the picture
{120487}{120519}What's going on, guys?
{120520}{120580}Funke...
{120581}{120656}You just don't know|when to quit, do you?
{120657}{120741}Guess not. Gum?
{120816}{120907}Changing the answers on the SATs|so you can sell more drugs.
{120908}{121032}It's clever, Marlon.|Twisted, but clever nonetheless.
{121033}{121095}Should make for a great story.
{121096}{121271}Bad move, Funke.|Open that window and bring him over.
{121366}{121407}Okay, here's the real story.
{121408}{121454}Bobby Funke made a few bad decisions,
{121455}{121515}lost his girlfriend,|and up and jumped out the window.
{121516}{121551}Just another tormented freshman.
{121552}{121645}I'm a sophomore, dick!
{121646}{121706}Throw his ass out.
{121707}{121770}- You won't do it.|- I won't?
{121771}{121808}These sorts of things|happen all the time.
{121809}{121894}There's a lot of pressure|here at St. Donovan's!
{121895}{121971}Throw him out!
{121972}{122027}Fine, I'll do it myself.
{122028}{122114}Hey! Let him go!
{122136}{122190}Put him down! Delicately.
{122191}{122228}How the hell did they|know you were here?
{122229}{122358}I might have made an announcement.
{122675}{122737}Funke.
{122775}{122848}/Bob Woodward once said|/that the first rule of good journalism
{122849}{122931}/is never reveal the story|/before it goes to print
{122932}{123019}/But Woodward wasn't in love|/with Francesca Fachini
{123020}{123153}/Before I cleared my name with the school,|/I had to clear it with her
{123154}{123303}/I had to tell her|/I'd figured it all out
{123381}{123477}/Turns out, I hadn't
{123720}{123815}/You played me, Francesca
{123816}{123902}/You played Paul
{123905}{123985}You played the whole damn school.
{123986}{124047}Look out! Look out! Look out!
{124048}{124127}I need everybody to file|out of this office.
{124128}{124196}Everybody except you five.
{124197}{124281}The five of you are in|big fucking trouble!
{124282}{124390}Stay right here, get out of my way!|You, too, bonehead.
{124391}{124528}You'll never understand why I did it.
{124553}{124628}Nobody's misunderstood, Francesca.
{124629}{124819}It's just what people say|when they don't like who they are.
{124820}{124897}Bobby, wait.
{124971}{125103}Forget it, Funke. It's high school.