1
00:01:10,079 --> 00:01:12,560
Hey, Brennan.

2
00:01:12,599 --> 00:01:15,519
Mom, I'm watching the thing|with the lady.

3
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,480
I'm leaving. Okay?|I'll be home around 11.

4
00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:20,159
- Bye, Mom.|- Bye, Brennan.

5
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:28,920
/Let's slowly get those hips up.|/Good. Now, hold it right here. Great.

6
00:01:29,519 --> 00:01:30,799
Dale.

7
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,840
Dale, I'm leaving for the conference.

8
00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:36,319
- You leave me money for pizza, Dad?|- Yeah, there's $20 on the hall table.

9
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:38,599
Do not order pay-per-view, buddy.

10
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,319
- But what if I want wings?|- You don't need wings.

11
00:01:41,359 --> 00:01:42,799
That's not enough, Dad!

12
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,519
The RTI cochlear implant...

13
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,120
...is the state-of-the-art|implantable hearing device...

14
00:01:47,159 --> 00:01:51,359
...due to its input processing of sound|via the speech processor.

15
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,159
But the most exciting|new development...

16
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,760
...is the external processor...

17
00:01:55,799 --> 00:01:58,079
...which fits directly over the ear...

18
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:04,599
...which eliminates the need to put|your face between those breasts.

19
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:11,240
I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm so lost.|And this never happens to me.

20
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,400
My name is Robert, and I play|racquetball. I collect coins.

21
00:02:14,439 --> 00:02:16,199
Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food.

22
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,080
I am Nancy Huff. I know|how to make tandoori chicken...

23
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,280
...I contribute to NPR|every single year...

24
00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:23,360
...and I love the movies|of Rob Reiner.

25
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,479
Pilates changed my life.

26
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,159
I have a boat, and I wanna retire|and sail around the world.

27
00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:31,400
- I love the sea!|- And I drive a Mercedes...

28
00:02:31,439 --> 00:02:34,479
...and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale,|who still lives at home.

29
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,520
- What did you just say?|- I knew I shouldn't have told you that.

30
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,479
I have a 39-year-old son|named Brennan...

31
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:44,800
...who still lives at home with me.

32
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,120
I would like to thank all of you...

33
00:02:54,159 --> 00:02:58,360
...for being here with us|on this fantastic, wonderful day.

34
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,560
And I would like to raise my glass.

35
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:07,240
Dale and I wanna welcome you|to our home with open arms.

36
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,879
- Get a room, Dad.|- Oh, for chri... Dale!

37
00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,639
Well, as you all know, my youngest|son, Derek, couldn't be here...

38
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,000
...because of an important|fishing trip.

39
00:03:17,039 --> 00:03:22,280
But my other son, Brennan, was going|to be moving into his own place...

40
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:25,439
...but he was recently let go|from his job at PetSmart...

41
00:03:25,479 --> 00:03:29,240
...so he is gonna be living with us.

42
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,439
I wasn't fired from my job,|I was laid off!

43
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,759
But you wouldn't|know the difference.

44
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:40,840
I didn't want salmon!|I said it four times.

45
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:46,520
This wedding is horseshit.

46
00:03:48,199 --> 00:03:51,919
Somebody's awfully quiet|back there.

47
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,479
I'm not gonna call him Dad.

48
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,360
Brennan, you're 39 years old.

49
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,479
I would not expect you|to call him Dad.

50
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:03,919
Well, I'm not going to, ever.|Even if there's a fire.

51
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,080
Robert better not get in my face...

52
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,360
...because I'll drop|that motherfucker.

53
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,919
Jesus, Brennan.

54
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,000
I'm just saying, I think|you gotta think about your options.

55
00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:17,920
I know that you are|technically married now...

56
00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:22,160
...but that does not mean|that they have to live here.

57
00:04:22,199 --> 00:04:27,600
Dale, I think it's time for a change|for both of us.

58
00:04:27,639 --> 00:04:30,439
Dad, we're men, okay?

59
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,040
That means a few things.

60
00:04:33,079 --> 00:04:36,680
We like to shit with the door open.|We talk about pussy.

61
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,120
We go on riverboat-gambling trips.|We make our own beef jerky.

62
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:44,160
That's what we do.|And now that is all wrecked.

63
00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:47,079
We literally have never done|any of those things.

64
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,480
Where did he go to medical school?

65
00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:52,000
He went to Northwestern|and Johns Hopkins.

66
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,480
- Is that good enough for you?|- No, it's not.

67
00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:59,600
Well, Brennan, those are|very prestigious schools.

68
00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:02,079
I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.

69
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,720
You don't know anyone|named Johnny Hopkins.

70
00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:07,720
It was Johnny Hopkins|and Sloan Kettering...

71
00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:10,600
...and they were|blazing that shit up every day.

72
00:05:10,639 --> 00:05:14,000
All right, here's a scenario|for you, Dad.

73
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,399
Suppose Nancy sees me|coming out of the shower...

74
00:05:16,439 --> 00:05:19,360
...and decides to come on to me.|I'm looking good.

75
00:05:19,399 --> 00:05:21,639
I've got a luscious V of hair...

76
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,000
...going from my chest pubes|down to my ball-fro.

77
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,839
And she takes one look at me,|and she goes:

78
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,360
"Oh, my God.

79
00:05:29,399 --> 00:05:33,480
I've had the old bull,|now I want the young calf."

80
00:05:33,519 --> 00:05:40,519
- And she grabs me by the wiener.|- Shut the fuck up!

81
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:53,720
- Come on, Brennan.|- I'm fine here.

82
00:05:53,759 --> 00:05:56,040
- There you are.|- Hi.

83
00:05:56,079 --> 00:05:58,959
Oh, you look so cute|in your moving clothes.

84
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,720
- How was it?|- It was easy.

85
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:05,160
The movers did everything.

86
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,920
Where's Brennan?

87
00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:10,199
He's still in the car.

88
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,800
It was kind of a rough drive.

89
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,000
Hey, Robert,|what's all the commotion?

90
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,759
- Hey, Don.|- Is that your wife, Nancy?

91
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,240
- Right here, Don.|- Can I come over this afternoon...

92
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,199
...and touch your face?|- Sure.

93
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,480
Thanks. Good luck, guys.

94
00:06:22,519 --> 00:06:23,720
We'll see you, Don.

95
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:27,680
Let's go, Cinnamon.|Heel, Cinnamon.

96
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,079
Heel! Cinnamon!

97
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,759
Cinnamon!

98
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,079
Hi, Dale.

99
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,839
Hey, Nancy. Could you make me|a grilled-cheese sandwich?

100
00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:38,439
- Sure.|- No.

101
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,680
Dale just ate. He's testing you to see|how much he can get away with.

102
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,519
- I see.|- I'm hungry.

103
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,160
Look in your right hand.

104
00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:47,600
- I sure don't mind a bit. I really don't.|- No, no.

105
00:06:47,639 --> 00:06:51,279
No, no. He's fine.

106
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,600
Hey.

107
00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:16,160
Hey.

108
00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:17,839
I'm Brennan.

109
00:07:17,879 --> 00:07:19,639
I'm Dale.

110
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,920
But you have to call me Dragon.

111
00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:27,759
You have to call me Nighthawk.

112
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,279
Brennan.

113
00:07:47,839 --> 00:07:51,759
Please don't do that.

114
00:07:56,439 --> 00:08:00,759
Now, that's enough ketchup.|Come on. Dale.

115
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,680
- I like it.|- That's enough.

116
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,120
Dale, I don't know if you...

117
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,959
You might wanna try this. I make|a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...

118
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,240
For me.

119
00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:14,959
- that Brennan really likes|with his chicken nuggets.

120
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,360
It's my fancy sauce.

121
00:08:16,399 --> 00:08:21,480
Well, when Brennan finishes,|I'll give you some of this, and it's...

122
00:08:21,519 --> 00:08:24,800
It's ketchup and mayonnaise|mixed together, so...

123
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:26,680
It's so good.

124
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,639
- I want some fancy sauce.|- Yeah.

125
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,759
- I'm not done using it.|- Looks good.

126
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,639
- Can I have fancy sauce?|- Of course. Of course.

127
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,759
- I'm using it right now.|- Okay.

128
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:38,600
- So let's just let him try some.|- You wanna try it, Dale?

129
00:08:38,639 --> 00:08:40,960
Yeah, I really would like some.

130
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,399
Just one last spoonful.

131
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,120
Hey, I think you've got|enough there, Brennan.

132
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,080
- So here you go.|- Thanks.

133
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,559
It's ketchup and mayonnaise.

134
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,639
- I don't like it. It smells weird.|- Okay.

135
00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:55,159
- I'll try some.|- You want some?

136
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,679
- Sure. Absolutely.|- Okay.

137
00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:01,399
You don't mind, do you, Brennan?|No. Okay.

138
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,159
- Brennan...|- I'm not comfortable...

139
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,440
It's okay. It's probably|not good on fish anyway.

140
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,360
My dad's king of the castle, so if he|wants fancy sauce, he should...

141
00:09:08,399 --> 00:09:11,000
- No, it's all right, Dale.|- He can make his own batch.

142
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:12,320
So you know what?

143
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:17,159
Today, when you were driving around,|Dale was telling me that he's really...

144
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:23,399
...into kung fu, and I was telling him|that you're really into kung fu as well.

145
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,000
I have a green belt.

146
00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:27,320
Read it and weep.

147
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,320
I don't believe in belts.

148
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,720
There should be no|ranking system for toughness.

149
00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:35,039
But one time I wrestled a giraffe|to the ground with my bare hands.

150
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,919
That's not true, Dale.|Don't be ridiculous.

151
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,960
So, Dale, what have you been|working on recently?

152
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,279
Well...

153
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,919
...I manage a baseball team.

154
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:52,120
- Little League?|- Fantasy league.

155
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,919
Take a picture. It'll last longer.

156
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:02,919
Why don't you stop|being so confrontational, Dale?

157
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,159
I'm not the one staring at me.

158
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,080
So, Brennan, how about you?

159
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:11,120
I know you used to|work at PetSmart.

160
00:10:11,159 --> 00:10:14,440
- That's right, Mr. Doback.|- Call me Robert.

161
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,559
- That's right, Robin.|- Robert.

162
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,879
Robin.

163
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:24,360
Actually, Brennan|is a really talented person.

164
00:10:24,399 --> 00:10:26,799
He's a very gifted singer.

165
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,519
- I'm really, really good.|- How good?

166
00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,799
I've been called|the songbird of my generation...

167
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,039
...by people who've heard me.

168
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,159
That good.

169
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,240
The only trick is|is that Brennan's very...

170
00:10:41,279 --> 00:10:44,799
...particular about|who he sings in front of, so...

171
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,399
I'm his mom, for example,|I've only heard him sing twice.

172
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,000
That's funny that you say that,|because I can sing too.

173
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:52,799
In fact, I'll sing right now.

174
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,960
/If you wanna get down|/On these hairy balls

175
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,360
- Hey!|/- Why don't you jump right in?

176
00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:00,279
/It's a crotch party right up in here

177
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,559
- Stop it!|/- Why don't you lick on this big joint?

178
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,360
Stop it, Dale! Stop it! Stop it!

179
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:06,559
That's cute.

180
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,679
I remember when I had my first beer.

181
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,039
That's so funny,|the last time I heard that...

182
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,120
...I laughed so hard|I fell off my dinosaur.

183
00:11:13,159 --> 00:11:16,639
Stop right now. All right?|Let's just back off.

184
00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,879
All right. Brennan, it's okay.|It's okay.

185
00:11:19,919 --> 00:11:21,360
Hey, hey.

186
00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,360
- Great, Dale.|- He said a mean thing first.

187
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:26,360
All right, just...|Look, you know what...? Hey, guys.

188
00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:29,200
Okay, sleeping arrangements.|It's gonna be different...

189
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:33,799
...but because Dale refuses|to give up his office drum set...

190
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,200
...that means that, Brennan, you and|Dale are gonna have to share a room.

191
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,200
- But it's just temporary.|- Mom, we didn't talk about this.

192
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,720
Well, it's gonna be|an exciting adventure.

193
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:48,559
You wanna show him the room, Dale?|Show him where he can put his stuff?

194
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:52,519
- That's nice, thank you.|- Good night, Nancy.

195
00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:56,759
Hey, listen, I like to have|a lot of fresh fruit around...

196
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,679
...and chocolate chips|in my pancakes. Okay?

197
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,279
- Write it so you don't forget.|- Show him the room.

198
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,840
She's Mom now, so...

199
00:12:04,879 --> 00:12:08,039
- Good night, Mom.|- Good night, Brennan.

200
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:14,600
- Good night, Mr. Doback.|- Good night, Brennan.

201
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,039
So just a few basic rules|about the house.

202
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,039
If there's any foods that you like...

203
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,559
...I suggest you put your name|on them, or they will be thrown out.

204
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,639
By me.

205
00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,879
House was built in 1825|by General Custer.

206
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,559
I wanna show you this room.

207
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,960
Hold up.

208
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,919
- You see this room?|- Yeah.

209
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,600
Okay, here's the deal.

210
00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:46,039
This is my office|and my beat laboratory.

211
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,639
Okay?

212
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,799
And this is the one rule of the house:

213
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,399
Don't ever, ever, ever...

214
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,000
...touch my drum set.

215
00:12:56,039 --> 00:12:57,960
- You understand?|- Don't go in there and...

216
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,120
- No touching!|- All right!

217
00:13:00,159 --> 00:13:02,480
There. I was at about six there.

218
00:13:02,519 --> 00:13:04,519
You don't wanna see me go to 10.

219
00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:10,120
Get your shit.|We're going to my room.

220
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,080
Honey?

221
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,360
I just found a chain of islands|that we can sail to after New Zealand.

222
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,840
That's wonderful.

223
00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:28,720
You know,|I've been meaning to ask you...

224
00:13:30,639 --> 00:13:35,519
Why is it that Dale never left?

225
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,320
Well, Dale has always|coasted off my accomplishments.

226
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,440
I mean, he left college|his junior year...

227
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,279
...because he said he wanted|to join the family business.

228
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:48,159
- But you're a medical doctor.|- Believe me, I've told him that.

229
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,440
But he just always says,|"It's all about who you know."

230
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,039
I don't know where|he got this sense of entitlement.

231
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,159
Maybe it was his mother passing.|What about Brennan?

232
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,759
From what you've told me...

233
00:13:58,799 --> 00:14:01,240
...his younger brother Derek's|been quite successful.

234
00:14:01,279 --> 00:14:05,679
Well, certainly when his father|and I split, that was difficult for him.

235
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:10,120
And this one time, when Brennan|was 17 and Derek was 14...

236
00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:13,960
...and Brennan decided|to enter a talent show.

237
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,879
/He sang a song|/from an old pirate musical.

238
00:14:17,919 --> 00:14:22,759
/But Derek got his football buddies|/to replace the choir and sing:

239
00:14:22,799 --> 00:14:24,720
"Brennan has a mangina."

240
00:14:24,759 --> 00:14:28,200
/Brennan has a mangina|/Brennan has a mangina

241
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:34,639
/Finally, the audience and even some|/of the nastier parents started singing:

242
00:14:34,679 --> 00:14:37,159
"Brennan has a mangina."

243
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:41,039
/And I have to admit, for a little while,|/I sort of joined in as well.

244
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,799
/From that day on,|/Brennan never sang again.

245
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:52,879
Derek went on to win the contest|by lip-synching "Ice Ice Baby."

246
00:14:53,279 --> 00:14:56,919
- Oh, that's a great song.|- It is.

247
00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:01,279
- Hey, you awake?|- Yeah.

248
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:11,039
I just want you to know I hate you.|So does my dad.

249
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,320
Well, that's fine.

250
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,080
Because guess what.

251
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,320
I hate you too.

252
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,720
And this house sucks ass.

253
00:15:21,759 --> 00:15:23,879
Well, the only reason|you're living here...

254
00:15:23,919 --> 00:15:27,519
...is because me and my dad decided|that your mom was really hot...

255
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:30,159
...and maybe we should just|both bang her.

256
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,799
And we'll put up with the retard|in the meantime.

257
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,440
- Who's the retard?|- You.

258
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,360
- Hey, y'all don't say that.|- Shut up.

259
00:15:38,399 --> 00:15:40,799
You'll wake up my dad|and get me grounded.

260
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,399
Just shut up.

261
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,279
You and your mom are hillbillies.

262
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:50,279
- This is a house of learned doctors.|- You're not a doctor.

263
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,600
You're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck.

264
00:15:53,639 --> 00:15:56,200
- Oh, yeah?|- Yeah.

265
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,279
- I'm a curly-headed fuck?|- Yeah.

266
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,600
You better not go to sleep.

267
00:16:00,639 --> 00:16:03,679
As soon as your eyes shut, I'm gonna|punch you square in the face.

268
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,120
I hope you stay still|when you sleep...

269
00:16:06,159 --> 00:16:09,240
...because I'm putting a rat trap|between your legs.

270
00:16:09,279 --> 00:16:13,480
I'm gonna take a pillowcase|and fill it full of bars of soap...

271
00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:18,519
...and beat the shit out of you.

272
00:16:18,639 --> 00:16:21,159
I want you out of my fucking house.

273
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,240
No way, kemosabe.

274
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:28,200
This is my house now.

275
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,360
/How do you like The Gilded Lady?

276
00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:33,519
I wish we could retire right now.

277
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:36,840
Won't be long.

278
00:16:45,519 --> 00:16:48,840
Oh, God! It's cold!

279
00:16:48,879 --> 00:16:53,759
Hey! Is anyone listening? Help!

280
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,480
Fuck you, Dale! Fuck you!

281
00:17:38,519 --> 00:17:40,359
/- obviously you guys are hot.|/You know?

282
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,400
/Just revealed her cover.|/I was like, "Wow, this is hot."

283
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:49,279
/A little girl-on-girl.|/A little heaven, a little hell.

284
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:52,480
- Hey.|- Hey.

285
00:17:53,559 --> 00:17:56,960
- Why you so sweaty?|/- I was watching Cops.

286
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:03,119
Not supposed to have|your feet on the couch.

287
00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:24,279
Hey, man.

288
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:26,920
Did you touch my drum set?

289
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,640
- Nope.|- It's just weird...

290
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,440
...because seems like someone|definitely touched my drum set.

291
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,680
Yeah, that is weird.|Because I didn't touch them.

292
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,920
- Hey! Did you touch my drum set?|- Hey, knock it off!

293
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,720
I know you touched my drumstick,|because the left one has a chip in it.

294
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,279
You fucking crazy, man?

295
00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:51,200
You sound insane, do you realize|that? You should be medicated.

296
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,720
Fuck you, Brennan.|I know you touched my drum set.

297
00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:55,559
I wanna hear that|dirty mouth admit it.

298
00:18:55,599 --> 00:18:58,480
You get out of my face,|or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass.

299
00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:01,039
You swear on your mom's life|that you didn't touch it!

300
00:19:01,079 --> 00:19:02,200
I don't swear to shit!

301
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,519
That's because you fucking|touched my drum set...

302
00:19:04,559 --> 00:19:09,400
...because I know|/Cops doesn't start till 4.

303
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,599
- Where are you going?|- I'm going upstairs.

304
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,359
Because I'm gonna put my nut sack|on your drum set. Okay?

305
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,599
Don't you do that.|I am warning you right now:

306
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:24,440
If you touch my drums, I will|stab you in the neck with a knife!

307
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,519
If you even go in the room,|I will go ape-shit, you hear me?

308
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:30,440
Don't wanna miss a spot.

309
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,559
John Bonham's playing|"Moby Dick" for real!

310
00:19:32,599 --> 00:19:37,880
I swear to God. I swear to God! No!

311
00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:45,480
I warned you.

312
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:52,039
There's one rule in the house,|and you broke it!

313
00:19:58,319 --> 00:20:03,480
I didn't touch your damn drum set!

314
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:07,079
I'm pre-diabetic!

315
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:15,200
You fucking fucker! I'm gonna|rub my balls on your mom's face!

316
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,599
Come back here!

317
00:20:21,039 --> 00:20:25,039
I'll kill you! You son of a bitch!

318
00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:26,880
Your drum set's a whore!

319
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,160
I teabagged your fucking drum set!

320
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,720
Well, my drum set's a guy,|so that makes you gay, you fucker!

321
00:20:32,759 --> 00:20:35,880
I'll kill you!

322
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,799
I think it's gonna go|generic soon, okay?

323
00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:40,119
/- Line three.|- Oh, thanks, Miles.

324
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,559
Yeah.

325
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:47,000
Jules? Wait, what's wrong?

326
00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:52,359
- Back!|- You touched my drum set, you fucker!

327
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,160
Stop it! Stop it!

328
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,599
- Rape! Rape! Rape!|- Stop it! Stop! Stop.

329
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,400
- Stay out of this, Nancy!|- Stop it, you guys.

330
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,039
- Oh, my God, you're hurting him!|- No, Nancy!

331
00:21:04,079 --> 00:21:07,079
Cinnamon! Stop it!

332
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,400
My mom is being eaten by a dog,|there's nothing I can do!

333
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,119
- No, a story has a...|- Excuse me.

334
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,599
Dr. Doback, the phone's for you.|I think it's urgent.

335
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:15,759
Hello?

336
00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:18,160
/Robert, they're like animals!|/I can't stop them!

337
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,680
Stop screaming. Please.|I'm on my way.

338
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,920
There seems to be some|savage fight going on...

339
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,480
...between my son and stepson,|so l...

340
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,200
Family issues, huh?

341
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,960
I don't believe in talking about|people's personal lives...

342
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,599
...behind their back.

343
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,559
You know nobody likes you, right?

344
00:21:34,599 --> 00:21:38,160
Rape! Rape! Rape!

345
00:21:42,079 --> 00:21:43,240
What's going on?

346
00:21:43,279 --> 00:21:45,599
Robert! They won't... They won't...

347
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,680
- Stop it! Stop it!|- Dale, what...?

348
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:52,799
- Stay out of it, Dad!|- Stop it!

349
00:21:57,559 --> 00:22:01,599
What the fucking fuck?

350
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,799
Someone got some air. Snap.

351
00:22:06,839 --> 00:22:09,039
- I still hate you.|- Still hate you.

352
00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:10,640
Such power. It's raw power.

353
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,519
What are you doing?|It's Shark Week.

354
00:22:12,559 --> 00:22:13,799
Okay, here's the deal:

355
00:22:13,839 --> 00:22:17,480
Number one, you will fix|the fucking drywall now.

356
00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:20,839
Number two, you have one month to|find jobs or you're out on your asses.

357
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,599
I will arrange interviews for Monday,|and you will go!

358
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,400
Dad, why are you talking|to me like this? I'm your son.

359
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,200
I'm not buying that crap anymore.

360
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,880
Today I saw my own son|use a bicycle as a weapon.

361
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,680
You yelled "rape"|at the top of your lungs.

362
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:40,000
Mom, I honestly thought|I was gonna be raped for a second.

363
00:22:40,039 --> 00:22:42,559
He had the craziest look in his eyes.

364
00:22:42,599 --> 00:22:45,279
And at one point he said,|"Let's get it on."

365
00:22:45,319 --> 00:22:48,200
That was about the fighting.|I'm so not a raper.

366
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,079
I didn't touch your drum set, okay?

367
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:55,160
I witnessed with my eyes|your testicles touching my drum set.

368
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,799
All right, that's it! That's it!

369
00:22:57,839 --> 00:23:00,000
You two guys leave me no choice.

370
00:23:00,039 --> 00:23:01,640
No television for a week.

371
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:02,759
- What?!|- What?!

372
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,960
- We are so serious, guys.|- You're fucking high!

373
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,319
Are you out of your mind?

374
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,200
This goes in Robert's wall safe|and it's gonna stay there.

375
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,119
- No!|- Okay.

376
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,799
- This house is a fucking prison!|- On planet Bullshit!

377
00:23:14,839 --> 00:23:20,599
In the galaxy of|This Sucks Camel Dicks!

378
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:51,680
Hi! Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol.

379
00:23:51,759 --> 00:23:56,359
- Hey.|- You can't catch me.

380
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:01,279
I gotcha.

381
00:24:01,319 --> 00:24:04,119
I gotcha.

382
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:12,559
Aunt Carol's on fire!

383
00:24:26,559 --> 00:24:28,200
I don't know where you learned it.

384
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,039
- Well, there's lots more where that...|- My God.

385
00:24:31,079 --> 00:24:34,880
- Oh, no. What happened?|- What the...?

386
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,039
Oh, my God.

387
00:24:37,079 --> 00:24:40,559
Maybe Dale left the back door open|and raccoons got in.

388
00:24:40,599 --> 00:24:43,400
Nancy? Is this your purse|in the freezer?

389
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,920
Yes. It's Brennan.

390
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,440
He sleepwalks and he always|puts my purse in the freezer.

391
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,160
Dale sleepwalks too.

392
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,880
- Are you kidding me?|- I'm not. Look in the oven.

393
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,759
- What's in the...? Couch pillows?|- Couch pillows.

394
00:24:57,799 --> 00:25:00,759
Yeah, Dale.

395
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,720
Come on.

396
00:25:02,759 --> 00:25:05,279
- It's okay.|- It's really hard.

397
00:25:05,319 --> 00:25:06,599
It's gonna be fine.

398
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:14,319
They're gonna get jobs,|they'll be gone in a month. A month.

399
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,799
Guys.

400
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,519
- Guys. Guys!|- I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.

401
00:25:22,559 --> 00:25:25,160
The clown has no penis.

402
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,240
What kind of dreams|are you guys having?

403
00:25:27,279 --> 00:25:28,920
Hey, it's 12:30.

404
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,720
Brennan, your brother's|coming today, so get up.

405
00:25:31,759 --> 00:25:33,119
- Today?|- Yep.

406
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,480
- Shit.|- What's your problem?

407
00:25:36,519 --> 00:25:39,680
My little brother's even|a bigger asshole than you are.

408
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,240
All right, let's really nail it this time.|Here we go.

409
00:25:42,279 --> 00:25:47,839
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

410
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:13,359
All right, Tommy, you're the oldest.|I'm counting on you. Come on.

411
00:26:19,799 --> 00:26:24,960
Nice vibrato, buddy.|All right, all right, Alice, let's go.

412
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,240
Flat. It's so flat.

413
00:26:27,279 --> 00:26:30,160
I can't even... You don't even|look good while you're singing.

414
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,039
The worst thing I've ever heard.

415
00:26:32,079 --> 00:26:35,200
This is $ 1200 a week for|voice lessons, and this is what I get?

416
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,400
Okay, I'm gonna save it|with this solo.

417
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,400
/I'm Derek

418
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:45,240
/And I can sing high like this

419
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,480
/And I can sing high

420
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,960
Jesus!

421
00:27:06,799 --> 00:27:10,039
We were so sad you guys|couldn't come to the wedding.

422
00:27:10,079 --> 00:27:11,799
- But we completely understand.|- Yeah.

423
00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:13,799
You were busy fishing|with Mark Cuban.

424
00:27:13,839 --> 00:27:15,880
Oh, yeah, yeah.|Well, not just the Cubes...

425
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,240
...but we had Chris Daughtry,|Jeff Probst, super-chef Bobby Flay.

426
00:27:19,279 --> 00:27:21,440
It was insane.|I mean, it was almost too much.

427
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:22,880
My God, that's impressive.

428
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,279
Yeah, we were down in the Gulf,|fishing bonito.

429
00:27:25,319 --> 00:27:28,279
Robert, have you ever been down|to the Gulf on the bonito run?

430
00:27:28,319 --> 00:27:30,160
Always wanted to.|I hear it's amazing.

431
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,960
- It is. It's gorgeous.|- Are bonito fish big?

432
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,119
What?

433
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,200
Don't interrupt|when he's telling a story.

434
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,759
- It's fine, Robert.|- I was asking about the story.

435
00:27:39,799 --> 00:27:42,799
- What's this guy's deal?|- I don't know, son. It's okay.

436
00:27:42,839 --> 00:27:46,400
Well, Dale, they are|what's called a trophy fish.

437
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,279
So, yeah, they're pretty big.

438
00:27:50,319 --> 00:27:53,200
I'm sorry.

439
00:27:53,839 --> 00:27:56,359
Anyway...

440
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,880
Oh, God, I'm sorry,|I forget where my story was going.

441
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:00,160
Damn it, Dale.

442
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,519
- No...|- Robert.

443
00:28:01,559 --> 00:28:02,839
- What?|- What? I asked him.

444
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,599
No, he can join in, Robert.|It's really okay.

445
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,559
Well, I asked him twice|not to interrupt.

446
00:28:07,599 --> 00:28:11,359
Gang, don't be mad at Dale for ruining|the story. And possibly the evening.

447
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,559
It's totally fine.|I have a lot more stories.

448
00:28:13,599 --> 00:28:16,880
- Derek, that you do. That you do.|- Yeah.

449
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:21,200
- Guilty as charged with the stories.|- Oh, God, you're impressive.

450
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,160
Come on. I love talking to you.

451
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,039
From across the room,|I feel like we have a thing.

452
00:28:27,079 --> 00:28:31,279
You and me, man. You're my|new stepdad. You're unbelievable.

453
00:28:31,319 --> 00:28:35,240
- I never heard that laugh before.|- Dad, why are you acting so weird?

454
00:28:35,279 --> 00:28:42,079
Oh, hey, by the way, guys,|where's my bro, Brennan?

455
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,880
You're right about your brother.|Total dick.

456
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,480
Told you.

457
00:28:51,519 --> 00:28:53,160
You know what? I still hate you...

458
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,920
...but you got a pretty awesome|collection of nudie mags.

459
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,319
Yeah, I got them|from the '70s, '80s and '90s.

460
00:28:59,359 --> 00:29:02,039
It's like masturbating|in a time machine.

461
00:29:02,079 --> 00:29:05,880
Anyway, so I figure by the summer|of 2010, we can probably set sail.

462
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,799
But I think about it|every day of my life.

463
00:29:08,839 --> 00:29:11,119
Let me ask you this, Bob,|why wait two years?

464
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,279
- Well, I gotta make more money.|- Okay, look.

465
00:29:13,319 --> 00:29:14,640
I hear you, believe me.

466
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,559
But what if I were to tell you|that I could sell this house...

467
00:29:17,599 --> 00:29:19,359
...for 30 percent above market?

468
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,880
- That'd be great. Could you do it?|- Yeah. In a heartbeat, Robby.

469
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,240
Look, I got my real-estate license|a few years back for shits and gigs.

470
00:29:26,279 --> 00:29:28,000
I'd do it for four-fifths commish...

471
00:29:28,039 --> 00:29:30,319
...because you know what really|gets my dick hard?

472
00:29:30,359 --> 00:29:31,720
Helping out my friends.

473
00:29:31,759 --> 00:29:34,559
That'd be fantastic.|That'd be fanta... Oh, my God.

474
00:29:34,599 --> 00:29:37,000
- No, it would be kick-ass, bro.|- Oh, man.

475
00:29:37,039 --> 00:29:40,119
Right there.

476
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:41,680
What about Dale and Brennan?

477
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,839
Because they haven't|even gotten jobs yet.

478
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,480
God, change the record.

479
00:29:46,519 --> 00:29:49,000
Sweet!

480
00:29:49,559 --> 00:29:52,799
Robert. Don't talk to me like that|in front of my son.

481
00:29:52,839 --> 00:29:56,200
Oh, come on. We're talking about|our dream, the boat. Come on.

482
00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,039
Yeah, it's our dream, but I think it|all needs to be done in good time.

483
00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:03,640
I'm just saying give it some thought,|okay? That's it. That's all I'm saying.

484
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,359
Holy shit, triplets.

485
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,519
It's true, three's company.

486
00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:11,640
- It shows tons of bush.|- Hey, hey, careful.

487
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,920
Careful with that. You're crinkling.

488
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,119
That's a collector's item.|It's worth a lot of money.

489
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:18,319
What's up, faggots?

490
00:30:18,359 --> 00:30:21,559
What's up, man? What, you're not|gonna come down, say hi to me?

491
00:30:21,599 --> 00:30:22,720
Hi, Derek.

492
00:30:22,759 --> 00:30:26,000
Whoa, calm down, man.|I'm just joking.

493
00:30:26,039 --> 00:30:28,640
You guys, I really like|your guys' setup up here.

494
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,480
What is your problem, man?

495
00:30:30,519 --> 00:30:33,759
My problem? I don't know.|I don't have a problem, Dale.

496
00:30:33,799 --> 00:30:36,079
Actually, I have the opposite|of a problem:

497
00:30:36,119 --> 00:30:38,640
I made over 550 K last year.|How much did you make?

498
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:41,200
- It's not about money.|- No, it's not about money.

499
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,359
Well, for me,|it's a little bit about money...

500
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,519
...and I made|that much money last year.

501
00:30:45,559 --> 00:30:47,079
I am the VP of the biggest...

502
00:30:47,119 --> 00:30:50,799
...executive-helicopter-leasing|company on the Western Seaboard.

503
00:30:50,839 --> 00:30:54,599
Okay? I haven't had a carb|since 2004.

504
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,119
Check these out. See these?|See these boys?

505
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,559
This is what I live with.

506
00:30:58,599 --> 00:31:01,119
Every day I lather this up|with Kiehl's in the shower.

507
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,400
You wanna touch this shit?|You wanna touch these bad boys?

508
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,079
Sorry, not gonna happen.

509
00:31:06,119 --> 00:31:07,599
Is there something you want?

510
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,599
I promised Mom I'd offer you a job.

511
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,440
I told her it'd count as her|Christmas present, so...

512
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,400
No. I'm never gonna work for you.

513
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:15,680
Fine. I don't care.

514
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,160
The truth is I just smoked a J|out in my car a few minutes ago...

515
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,160
...so feeling a little spacy.

516
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,759
Know what I'm say...?|What's up with you, man?

517
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:25,480
What you looking at, kemosabe?

518
00:31:25,519 --> 00:31:27,119
You...

519
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,880
You wanna punch me right now.

520
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,400
You wanna punch me right now,|but you won't.

521
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:34,759
You wanna punch me too?

522
00:31:34,799 --> 00:31:37,559
You guys both look like you might|wanna hit me in the face.

523
00:31:37,599 --> 00:31:39,759
You do, I can tell.|Well, why don't you do it?

524
00:31:39,799 --> 00:31:41,440
Why don't you punch me|in the face?

525
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:46,160
Punch me in the fucking face!

526
00:31:49,519 --> 00:31:52,119
- Oh, shit.|- Oh, my shoulder!

527
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,440
That was awesome.

528
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,519
Mom! Mom!

529
00:31:55,559 --> 00:31:57,960
Derek, know what's always good|for shoulder pain?

530
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,359
- What?|- If you lick my butthole.

531
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,799
Snap!

532
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,400
- Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Bobby.|- Sure.

533
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,759
Aside from that retard trying to punch|me, it was a pretty good evening.

534
00:32:08,799 --> 00:32:12,160
- It was our pleasure, son.|- Why are you calling him that?

535
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,519
Oh, don't, don't.

536
00:32:13,559 --> 00:32:16,359
Bye, kids. I'll check out that stock|you recommended, Tommy.

537
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:17,519
Excuse me.

538
00:32:17,559 --> 00:32:21,000
- Hi. I'm Alice, I'm Derek's wife.|- Hi.

539
00:32:21,039 --> 00:32:24,519
Is it true you struck Derek in the face|and he fell from the tree house?

540
00:32:24,559 --> 00:32:26,119
Yeah. He asked me to.

541
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,480
Oh, that's the most amazing thing|I've ever heard.

542
00:32:28,519 --> 00:32:30,160
I want you to know that tonight...

543
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,720
...I am gonna pleasure myself to|the image of you doing that to Derek.

544
00:32:33,759 --> 00:32:35,400
You know what I mean?

545
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,160
Masturbate.

546
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,920
I am.

547
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:40,640
Oh, Dale.

548
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,039
You are something.

549
00:32:43,079 --> 00:32:46,680
You are something.

550
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,200
You're something too.

551
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:52,400
I wanna roll you into a little ball|and shove you up my vagina.

552
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,480
You could just live there.|It's warm and it's cozy.

553
00:32:56,519 --> 00:32:57,680
In your vagina?

554
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,160
I wanna walk around with you|in there and just know that...

555
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,680
...whenever I feel a little tickle|or scratch...

556
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,079
...that it's just your hair|up my vagina.

557
00:33:07,119 --> 00:33:09,279
Please, just do it for me.

558
00:33:09,319 --> 00:33:12,720
What's happening?

559
00:33:12,759 --> 00:33:15,440
Kiss me.

560
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,039
I know. I know. It's too much.

561
00:33:21,079 --> 00:33:24,359
It's too much.

562
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,039
I hate my life, Dale.

563
00:33:29,079 --> 00:33:32,319
Dale, I hate my life!|I have nobody to talk to.

564
00:33:32,359 --> 00:33:34,359
- Well, you seemed okay at the di...|- Please.

565
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,440
Alice! Honey, come on!

566
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,000
Dane Cook, pay-per-view,|20 minutes. Let's go!

567
00:33:40,039 --> 00:33:43,400
Coming, honey!|I'm just talking to Dale.

568
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,880
This is so stupid.

569
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,319
Call me.

570
00:33:48,359 --> 00:33:52,279
- I love you.|- Okay.

571
00:33:57,319 --> 00:34:00,160
- Hey. What'd she want?|- What?

572
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,319
Nothing. Who's...? Who?

573
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:05,519
Alice.

574
00:34:05,559 --> 00:34:10,360
We were just talking. Not...|It was not about sex or anything.

575
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,800
I can't believe you hit Derek.

576
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,480
I know. Did you see|the expression on his face?

577
00:34:15,519 --> 00:34:18,639
- That was cool.|- Listen.

578
00:34:18,679 --> 00:34:21,679
I know that we started out as foe.

579
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,239
But after that courageous act...

580
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,760
...that you showed me|against the one they call Derek...

581
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:32,719
...maybe someday|we could become friends.

582
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,440
Friends who ride majestic,|translucent steeds...

583
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,400
...shooting flaming arrows|across the Bridge of Hemdale.

584
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,920
I would follow you into the mists|of Avalon, if that's what you mean.

585
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:51,119
Do you wanna see something cool|that only three people have seen?

586
00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:54,559
Okay, open your eyes.

587
00:34:54,599 --> 00:34:56,760
See that black smudge|right there on the blade?

588
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,639
- Yeah.|- Look at it closely.

589
00:34:58,679 --> 00:35:01,159
- Pretty recognizable signature.|- No.

590
00:35:01,199 --> 00:35:03,679
/Randy Jackson from American Idol.

591
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,880
Why do you have Randy Jackson's|autograph on a martial-arts weapon?

592
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,360
I bumped into him|and all I had was this sword...

593
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,400
...and you're not gonna not get|Randy Jackson's autograph.

594
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,679
I would've done|the exact same thing.

595
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,599
Now, do you wanna see|something really cool?

596
00:35:18,639 --> 00:35:22,800
- Of course.|- Turn off the lights.

597
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,360
Industrial-strength|night-vision goggles.

598
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,679
Holy Santa Claus shit.

599
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,239
Can you imagine if we had these|when we were 12?

600
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,840
Even better.|We got them when we're 40.

601
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:38,000
You know what's amazing? They're|not that noticeable on your face.

602
00:35:38,039 --> 00:35:41,159
- Right?|- Yeah.

603
00:35:41,199 --> 00:35:44,320
I can't believe I've been living here|for two weeks...

604
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,239
...and I'm walking|around this place...

605
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,960
...thinking I've got a huge doucher|for a stepbrother.

606
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,639
Secretly, you're not a doucher.

607
00:35:51,679 --> 00:35:53,400
Let's play a game, all right?

608
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,920
On the count of three,|name your favorite dinosaur.

609
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:59,360
Don't even think about it, just name it.|Ready? One, two, three.

610
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,320
/- Velociraptor.|/- Velociraptor.

611
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,599
Favorite non-pornographic magazine|to masturbate to.

612
00:36:04,639 --> 00:36:07,119
/- Good Housekeeping.|/- Good Housekeeping.

613
00:36:07,159 --> 00:36:09,880
If you were a chick, who's|the one guy you'd sleep with?

614
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,599
- John Stamos.|- John Stamos.

615
00:36:11,639 --> 00:36:13,639
- What?|- Did we just become best friends?

616
00:36:13,679 --> 00:36:15,360
Yep.

617
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,280
Do you wanna go do karate|in the garage?

618
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,639
Yup!

619
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,800
- Yeah!|- Yeah!

620
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,280
I think they're starting to|like each other.

621
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,840
I got a really bad feeling about this.

622
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,639
- Sword fight!|- I know.

623
00:36:51,679 --> 00:36:54,760
Sword fight!

624
00:36:56,639 --> 00:37:02,880
- Exactly the same!|- I know! That's so weird.

625
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,119
Now you're in trouble.

626
00:37:06,159 --> 00:37:07,360
- Come on!|- No!

627
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:10,760
They're betting against you,|but you can do it!

628
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,760
- Yeah!|- Yeah!

629
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,039
Is this a bad time?

630
00:37:15,079 --> 00:37:16,480
What the hell's going on?

631
00:37:16,519 --> 00:37:19,480
Ma, Mr. Doback, okay,|Dale and I were just...

632
00:37:19,519 --> 00:37:21,360
Please, stop calling me Mr. Doback.

633
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:22,840
Sorry. Okay.

634
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,880
Mom, Doback...

635
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,280
...we think it would be very prudent...

636
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,159
- Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?|- Yes.

637
00:37:31,199 --> 00:37:32,719
Why are you guys so sweaty?

638
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,679
We've already figured out how.|The beds match up perfectly.

639
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,960
It would give us so much extra space|in our room to do activities.

640
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,119
Please say yes.

641
00:37:40,159 --> 00:37:42,440
You don't need our permission|to build bunk beds.

642
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,760
You're adults.|You can do what you want.

643
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,000
So?

644
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,239
I'm not making myself clear.

645
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,000
I don't give a fuck.

646
00:37:53,039 --> 00:37:55,280
Now, you both have|several interviews tomorrow.

647
00:37:55,320 --> 00:38:00,760
I would think you'd be focused|on that and not building bunk beds.

648
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,360
- So?|- So?

649
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:07,599
- We can? No?|- Yes. Yes, you can make bunk beds.

650
00:38:07,639 --> 00:38:09,920
- I knew it.|- Okay. You are not gonna regret this.

651
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,840
We'll get so much more|activities done.

652
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,840
This is the funnest night ever!

653
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,440
This is so scary.

654
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,760
- How you doing over there?|- Really good.

655
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,000
Okay.

656
00:38:24,039 --> 00:38:26,079
Does your son know anything|about carpentry?

657
00:38:26,119 --> 00:38:29,079
No, not a th... Did I hear a drill?

658
00:38:29,119 --> 00:38:31,880
- Dale! Dale, no power tools!|- Power tools.

659
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:33,639
- What?|- No power tools!

660
00:38:33,679 --> 00:38:37,440
- No, I forgot, I have to brush my teeth.|- That is not your toothbrush.

661
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,880
Oh, okay. Well, I'm all done anyway.

662
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:41,320
- We did it.|- We did it!

663
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,559
It looks amazing!

664
00:38:42,599 --> 00:38:45,639
Look at that! That looks like|what you'd buy from a store!

665
00:38:45,679 --> 00:38:48,360
- Should've been a bunk bed all along.|- Look at this space.

666
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,360
- We could do aerobics in here.|- So many activities!

667
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,440
- Do step class.|- It's making my head spin...

668
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,760
...how many activities we can do.|- Play Army men.

669
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,440
- Yeah.|- Come on.

670
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:06,119
Hey, I never asked you.|Do you like guacamole?

671
00:39:06,159 --> 00:39:08,559
Oh, Brennan! Oh, God!

672
00:39:08,599 --> 00:39:11,199
Brennan! Brennan!

673
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:13,480
Dad. Nancy. It's bad.

674
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:15,639
It's so bad.|There's blood everywhere.

675
00:39:15,679 --> 00:39:19,239
The bunk beds were a terrible idea.|Why'd you let us do that?

676
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:20,639
It's so bad!

677
00:39:20,679 --> 00:39:24,639
How would you describe that?

678
00:39:24,679 --> 00:39:29,079
- It's not so bad.|- Right. See?

679
00:39:29,119 --> 00:39:30,239
Put your beds back.

680
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,480
Rumpus time is over.

681
00:39:32,519 --> 00:39:38,400
You got a big day tomorrow.|You need your eight hours.

682
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,119
/And although she was 88 years old,|/she never stopped believing.

683
00:39:42,159 --> 00:39:43,920
/It's 8:20 in the a.m.

684
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,800
/Coming up next, a recent study|/by the American Council...

685
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,119
Look at her. She's hot.

686
00:39:49,159 --> 00:39:53,119
Okay, guys, this is it.|Good luck. Don't be late.

687
00:39:53,159 --> 00:39:55,800
Dad, I need to borrow|some clothes for the interview...

688
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:57,719
...since I don't have|any fancy clothes.

689
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,000
You go in my closet, take whatever|you need. You guys gotta look sharp.

690
00:40:01,039 --> 00:40:03,079
This is the most important|day of our lives.

691
00:40:03,119 --> 00:40:04,639
- Okay.|- No pressure, no pressure.

692
00:40:04,679 --> 00:40:05,960
- All right? Relax.|- Okay.

693
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,199
I gotta go. I gotta go.

694
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:09,280
This is your day.|Remember that. You own it.

695
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,480
- This is your one day!|- All right.

696
00:40:12,519 --> 00:40:15,320
Mr. Huff, Mr. Jeener|is ready for your interview.

697
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,559
Actually, we'll be|interviewing as a team.

698
00:40:17,599 --> 00:40:22,119
We're here to fuck shit up.

699
00:40:24,199 --> 00:40:26,880
Move it!

700
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,360
Hey!

701
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,920
Well, Brennan, you certainly|have had a lot of jobs.

702
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:39,400
I'm a bit of a spark plug.

703
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,960
And, Human Resources lady,|when I think...

704
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,880
- You know, it's... Actually, it's Pam.|- I'm sorry.

705
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,880
- Well, Pan...|- No, my name is Pam.

706
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:52,320
- Are you saying Pan or Pam?|- I'm saying Pam.

707
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:55,320
Yeah, I'm sorry, who is this|gentleman sitting behind you?

708
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,280
Hello, Ms. Lady. I'm Dale.|I'm Brennan's stepbrother...

709
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,760
...and I think I might be able to help|with the Pan-Pam dilemma.

710
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,800
- Yeah, that'd be great.|- Pam.

711
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:05,519
- Pan.|- Pam.

712
00:41:05,559 --> 00:41:07,599
- Pand. There's a D on the end.|- With an M.

713
00:41:07,639 --> 00:41:13,079
- There's no D. It's Pam.|- It's like "comb, " except P-A-N-M.

714
00:41:13,119 --> 00:41:15,840
- N-N. There's two N's.|- Two M's. That was the confusion.

715
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,280
No, there's just one M.

716
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,679
What do you say we interview you?

717
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,559
All right. Yes, that's a|sometimes-useful exercise.

718
00:41:22,599 --> 00:41:24,239
Please put your hand down.

719
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:25,400
Go ahead.

720
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:29,119
How much money do you make|a year before taxes?

721
00:41:29,159 --> 00:41:31,519
Okay, I'm actually not comfortable|answering that.

722
00:41:31,559 --> 00:41:34,159
- Come on!|- We're doing the interview, not you.

723
00:41:34,199 --> 00:41:37,960
Here's a shot out of a cannon:|Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife.

724
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,239
You gotta fuck one,|marry one, kill one. Go!

725
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:41,960
I think we're done here. Thank you.

726
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,800
Mr. Huff, under your references,|you listed Dale Doback...

727
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,199
...which I know is this gentleman,|but you also listed...

728
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,320
..."Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior."|- Yeah.

729
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,000
Yeah, we are looking for people|we can contact.

730
00:41:53,039 --> 00:41:55,239
We wanna tell you the stuff|we're not good at.

731
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,920
- Our weaknesses.|- So we're clear up front.

732
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,920
- Okay.|- We're not generally comfortable...

733
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,000
...in an office setting, I would say.|- I get cooped up.

734
00:42:04,039 --> 00:42:07,039
I won't go into an office|that's ever been used before.

735
00:42:07,079 --> 00:42:09,719
I am no good before 11 a.m.

736
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,960
I also get headaches from computers,|so I can't be around them too long.

737
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:14,440
I take stuff.

738
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,840
I need someone to go up and down|with me in the elevator.

739
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,880
I have a weakness for sweets.

740
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:21,039
Other weaknesses?

741
00:42:21,079 --> 00:42:24,199
We're slow learners and we're|not particularly good listeners.

742
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,960
- That'll be a huge problem.|- We're also slow learners.

743
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,920
First of all,|I needed someone to work...

744
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,760
Wait, shut your mouth.|Shut your mouth.

745
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,159
I think we've had enough...

746
00:42:33,199 --> 00:42:35,519
- Shush up for one second.|- Shut your mouth.

747
00:42:35,559 --> 00:42:38,239
- Wait, shut your mouth.|- I'm sorry, what did you just say?

748
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,840
- You're just coming off stupid.|- I'm coming off stupid?

749
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,639
You're wearing tuxedos to a job that|requires you to clean bathrooms.

750
00:42:44,679 --> 00:42:48,360
- Please leave this office, we're done.|- Do we get any sort of souvenir?

751
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,079
Get out of my office!

752
00:42:50,119 --> 00:42:53,800
I'm looking to hire guys I don't mind|hanging out with for 12 hours a day.

753
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:55,360
You guys seem like cool guys.

754
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,400
Got hair similar to mine,|you wear tuxedos to the interview.

755
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,360
That's funny, it's ironic. I get that.

756
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,000
Underplaying the whole formality of it.|I think that's funny as hell.

757
00:43:04,039 --> 00:43:06,920
So let's do this, you know?|You guys are hired. You're in.

758
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,639
Unless you're the weirdest guys ever|and I don't see it.

759
00:43:09,679 --> 00:43:12,159
Great.

760
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:30,440
- Was that a fart?|- I don't know.

761
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,480
I can taste it.

762
00:43:32,519 --> 00:43:33,639
On my tongue.

763
00:43:33,679 --> 00:43:36,320
Okay, I'll be honest with you.|I did fart.

764
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,239
Is that onion? Onion and...|Onion and ketchup.

765
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:43,039
- It stinks. And this is a small room.|- Shit.

766
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:46,559
Okay, now the tuxedos|seem kind of fucked up.

767
00:43:46,599 --> 00:43:50,440
God. We were so close.

768
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,519
So, what do we do for jobs?|Is your dad really gonna kick us out?

769
00:43:53,559 --> 00:43:57,800
Listen, don't worry about my dad.

770
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,639
Got him sewn up.

771
00:44:00,679 --> 00:44:04,239
We've gotta start thinking bigger,|though, Brennan.

772
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,719
Listen, what are you really good at?

773
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:09,440
Singing. I'm a world-class singer.

774
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,199
See? Right there,|that's an amazing skill.

775
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:13,760
Now, what am I good at?

776
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,639
I can shred on the drums|and I'm a marketing wiz.

777
00:44:16,679 --> 00:44:19,840
Put all that together,|what do you get?

778
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,880
- I don't know, a band?|- No, that's been done before.

779
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:28,000
Even better: we are gonna start an|international entertainment company.

780
00:44:28,039 --> 00:44:30,559
The biggest and the best.

781
00:44:30,599 --> 00:44:33,960
And we're gonna call it|Prestige Worldwide.

782
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:35,719
That sounds so cool.

783
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,760
I feel like a lightning bolt|hit the tip of my penis.

784
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,480
Yeah. Yeah.

785
00:44:42,519 --> 00:44:45,320
We're brothers. This is why we met.

786
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,400
- To form this alliance, right?|- Right?

787
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,960
That's why our parents met,|so this idea could happen.

788
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,800
- Okay, what do we do?|- We get to work.

789
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:56,159
And we hit the beat laboratory|right now. Let's go.

790
00:44:56,199 --> 00:44:57,800
- What?|- Wait.

791
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,400
What time is it?

792
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,000
- 4:30.|- 4:30.

793
00:45:01,039 --> 00:45:03,440
4:32.

794
00:45:05,039 --> 00:45:09,280
- I can't go down Whitworth right now.|- Okay.

795
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,800
We should go this way.

796
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:13,880
- What's up?|- Chris Gardocki.

797
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:15,280
- What?|- He gets in my face...

798
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,679
...and I just don't wanna|deal with the hassle now.

799
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:22,000
- Are you this scared?|- Can we please go the long way?

800
00:45:22,039 --> 00:45:23,679
- Down Cutler?|- Yeah.

801
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,519
But that's 45 minutes.

802
00:45:25,559 --> 00:45:27,400
You're gonna shame me|into doing this.

803
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,920
- You sound stupid.|- You'll be sorry. Okay, I'm stupid.

804
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,639
Oh, man.

805
00:45:32,679 --> 00:45:36,559
Oh, God, there they are.

806
00:45:36,599 --> 00:45:38,719
Oh, my God, is that Dale Doback?

807
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:42,760
- Let's make him lick dog shit.|- Yeah.

808
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:46,119
Hey, fag-stick. Long time, no see.

809
00:45:46,159 --> 00:45:48,960
Is that your boyfriend?|Is that your butt buddy?

810
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,280
Look, Mr. Gardocki,|just leave me alone, will you?

811
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:53,159
/Shut your mouth, es�.

812
00:45:53,199 --> 00:45:56,360
You guys just go back and have fun|on your jungle gym, okay?

813
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,639
Does butt buddy have a name?

814
00:45:58,679 --> 00:46:02,559
If you're referring to me as|butt buddy, yes, I do have a name.

815
00:46:02,599 --> 00:46:04,000
It's Brennan Huff.

816
00:46:04,039 --> 00:46:07,199
If you don't come over here|and lick that white dog shit...

817
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,480
...l'm gonna plow into your nose|with my fist.

818
00:46:09,519 --> 00:46:13,360
- I'm not licking any white dog shit.|- I'll lick the shit if you leave us alone.

819
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,559
Dale, you're not licking|dog shit, okay? They're kids.

820
00:46:16,599 --> 00:46:18,920
- Brennan, it's just dog shit.|- It's ridiculous!

821
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:23,039
- Hello, how are...?|- Oh, God!

822
00:46:23,079 --> 00:46:27,079
Leave him alone! Leave him alone!

823
00:46:27,119 --> 00:46:29,920
Get them!

824
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,400
So maybe you don't|go down that way anymore.

825
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:45,360
Maybe you go the long way home.

826
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,320
That's what we talked about.|We'll take the long way home.

827
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,119
You know in that one scene|/in The Wizard of Oz...

828
00:46:51,159 --> 00:46:54,000
...when the flying monkeys|pull apart the Scarecrow?

829
00:46:54,039 --> 00:46:56,119
That's what it was like.

830
00:46:56,159 --> 00:46:58,679
- It's okay, it's okay.|- I'm so sorry.

831
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,360
Is my dad mad about|the stuff that happened?

832
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,000
Robert was very upset, yes.

833
00:47:04,039 --> 00:47:06,760
He knows that you interviewed|as a team.

834
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:08,400
And he heard about the fart.

835
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:10,440
- Oh, he did?|- Yeah.

836
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,239
You just couldn't hold it, or you...?

837
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,199
- No. I thought it was gonna be silent.|- It was not silent.

838
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,960
Just kept going, and it made a sound.|It was embarrassing.

839
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,079
It got louder.

840
00:47:19,119 --> 00:47:22,000
So listen, Bobby,|I'll get those keys made tomorrow...

841
00:47:22,039 --> 00:47:26,599
...and then we'll start setting up times.|- Thank you.

842
00:47:26,639 --> 00:47:28,119
- Hi, Mom.|- Hi.

843
00:47:28,159 --> 00:47:29,440
- Okay, bye.|- Bye.

844
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:34,840
- Always nice to see you.|- You too.

845
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,000
Hey, guys.

846
00:47:42,039 --> 00:47:44,199
Looks like your|free ride's over, huh?

847
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,480
Have fun living on the streets.

848
00:47:46,519 --> 00:47:49,039
Okay, cool. Good chatting, you guys.|Bye, Mom.

849
00:47:49,079 --> 00:47:53,280
- Bye.|- See you, buddy.

850
00:47:54,159 --> 00:47:55,719
What was he doing here?

851
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:57,639
We're putting the house|on the market.

852
00:47:57,679 --> 00:48:01,199
- Where are we moving?|- Is the house haunted?

853
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,840
Nancy and I are retiring...

854
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,639
...and sailing around the world|on my boat.

855
00:48:06,679 --> 00:48:09,000
We are living the dream.

856
00:48:09,039 --> 00:48:12,199
Well, what about us?

857
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:16,559
I'm sorry. Robert... We thought that...

858
00:48:16,599 --> 00:48:20,360
...you should take responsibility|for your own lives.

859
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:21,679
This is the exciting part:

860
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,079
We're going to put enough|money in your accounts...

861
00:48:24,119 --> 00:48:26,119
...for a security deposit|on an apartment.

862
00:48:26,159 --> 00:48:27,519
What's this all about?

863
00:48:27,559 --> 00:48:32,000
More than just money, we're gonna get|you another kind of support as well.

864
00:48:32,039 --> 00:48:34,880
You're both gonna see therapists.|Nancy thinks it'll help.

865
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,880
- Guys, that's nonnegotiable.|- Hold on. We're not going on the boat...

866
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:43,039
...Derek's selling the house,|we have to go to therapy?

867
00:48:43,079 --> 00:48:45,000
- What the fuck happened?|- Hey!

868
00:48:45,039 --> 00:48:48,159
Look, I know this seems|really, really sudden...

869
00:48:48,199 --> 00:48:50,559
...and just sort of unfair|and cruel and...

870
00:48:50,599 --> 00:48:53,679
- But it's nonnegotiable.|- But it's nonnegotiable.

871
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:56,159
I got a bellyful|of white dog crap in me...

872
00:48:56,199 --> 00:48:58,159
...and now you lay this shit on me?

873
00:48:58,199 --> 00:49:01,280
You're adults. It's time|you started acting like adults.

874
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:04,320
- Mom.|- I'm not backing down, Brennan.

875
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:05,760
Don't even try.

876
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,880
I know it seems hard,|but it's the best thing for both of you.

877
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:10,599
We do it because we love you.

878
00:49:10,639 --> 00:49:14,320
Dad, I'm doing this because|I love you: fuck you.

879
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:16,400
- Anything else?|- No.

880
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,679
Bon voyage! Have a great time!

881
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:21,679
Hey, what's up, Derek?

882
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:22,840
Yeah.

883
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:24,239
- Know what?|- Look what I got.

884
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:27,519
I'm sitting here thinking we finally got|a family together here...

885
00:49:27,559 --> 00:49:31,719
...and now it's about to be taken away|because they think we're losers.

886
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,239
- Because they don't understand us?|- Yeah.

887
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,760
They don't get that this lifestyle|is a choice.

888
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:42,079
And all they think about|is that stupid boat.

889
00:49:42,119 --> 00:49:45,320
I swear, I'm so pissed off|at my mom.

890
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,960
As soon as she is of age,|I'm putting her in a home.

891
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,639
We have got to get|Prestige Worldwide going.

892
00:49:51,679 --> 00:49:53,760
It's the thing that's|gonna save this family.

893
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,639
I was thinking we should|have a investor presentation...

894
00:49:56,679 --> 00:49:58,000
/...like on The Apprentice.

895
00:49:58,039 --> 00:50:00,239
We gotta start|with some capital somewhere.

896
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:02,239
Here's the thing, though:

897
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,440
If we're gonna start|a huge multinational corporation...

898
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,079
...I have to hear you sing.

899
00:50:07,119 --> 00:50:10,079
Can't you just trust that|I'm a really, really good singer?

900
00:50:10,119 --> 00:50:13,639
Just one song, so I know|what your voice sounds like.

901
00:50:13,679 --> 00:50:15,679
Yeah, yeah. I'll just do it.

902
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:23,239
No big deal. I'll just dive into it|and just start singing.

903
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:27,199
Jesus, my heart is beating|so fast right now.

904
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:29,440
Okay, just do it. Just do it.

905
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,079
Just...

906
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,079
You know, I don't know.

907
00:51:19,119 --> 00:51:22,400
I didn't sing too loud, because I don't|wanna wake up Robert and Nancy.

908
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,920
My throat's sore. I've had|a sore throat for a month and a half.

909
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:28,719
And this is not an acoustic|environment that's suitable...

910
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:30,880
...to request this from me.

911
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:34,159
You gotta know,|I'm not just some guy.

912
00:51:34,199 --> 00:51:39,119
Brennan, that is|the voice of an angel.

913
00:51:39,159 --> 00:51:41,920
Brennan, I can't even make|eye contact with you right now.

914
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,719
Your voice is like a combination|of Fergie and Jesus.

915
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:46,679
Why can't you do that|in front of people?

916
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:48,840
Are you messing with me right now?

917
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:52,159
It's me, Dale.

918
00:51:52,679 --> 00:51:54,239
You're good.

919
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:56,679
- I know.|- This is gonna sound weird...

920
00:51:56,719 --> 00:52:01,760
...but for a second, I think|you took on the shape of a unicorn.

921
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:05,599
I felt like I was hovering|above my own body...

922
00:52:05,639 --> 00:52:07,280
...watching myself sing.

923
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,119
Now, let's move on|to other business.

924
00:52:09,159 --> 00:52:12,639
First thing tomorrow, we gotta get|cracking on this investor presentation.

925
00:52:12,679 --> 00:52:15,639
And guess what else.|This just came to me.

926
00:52:15,679 --> 00:52:20,039
- We're making a music video.|- Yeah!

927
00:52:20,079 --> 00:52:23,559
What do we do about Derek|and the house?

928
00:52:23,599 --> 00:52:27,639
Don't worry about him.

929
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,079
Oh, it's a great "nabe."

930
00:52:37,119 --> 00:52:39,039
Frank Gifford|used to live down the block.

931
00:52:39,079 --> 00:52:42,239
- The Giff?|- Yeah, the Giff. Right down the block.

932
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,840
I'm getting|a really good feeling about this.

933
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:46,000
I am so glad.

934
00:52:46,039 --> 00:52:48,719
You get us that 10-year|interest-only loan, we got a deal.

935
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:51,760
Hey, fuckers!|Welcome to the neighborhood!

936
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:55,559
- My name is Craig.|- The neighbor is a Nazi?

937
00:52:55,599 --> 00:52:59,440
You guys ever need fertilizer,|I've got a lot of it. Close to 80 tons.

938
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:03,360
Hey, folks! How you doing?|You're gonna love this neighborhood.

939
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,119
Every single house here recycles.

940
00:53:05,159 --> 00:53:07,119
- Okay, we're done here.|- Yeah, okay.

941
00:53:07,159 --> 00:53:10,280
/Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick.

942
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,800
Dale, I don't know how much|you know about therapy...

943
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:16,360
...but it usually starts by you|telling me something about yourself.

944
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,519
I work at a college as a janitor...

945
00:53:18,559 --> 00:53:21,199
...even though I'm smarter|than most of the people there.

946
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:24,159
Sometimes I see an equation|written on a blackboard...

947
00:53:24,199 --> 00:53:27,199
...like half an equation,|and I'll just figure it out.

948
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,760
/- Is this Good Will Hunting?|- No.

949
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,639
It sounds a lot like the plot|/of Good Will Hunting.

950
00:53:32,679 --> 00:53:36,360
Yeah. Anyway.|My best friend is Ben Affleck...

951
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,639
So I thought we'd begin|talking about your parents' divorce.

952
00:53:39,679 --> 00:53:40,800
Okay.

953
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:42,920
How old were you|when they got divorced?

954
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:45,199
- Fifteen.|- That's a hard age.

955
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:48,079
- Yes. Yeah.|- Do you wanna talk...

956
00:53:48,119 --> 00:53:50,280
...about some of those feelings?|- I love you.

957
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,760
- Obviously, you don't know me.|- I love you so much.

958
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,159
Thank you. And I will take that|as a feeling that you have...

959
00:53:57,199 --> 00:53:59,599
...of comfortability with me.

960
00:53:59,639 --> 00:54:01,360
It's more than comfortability.

961
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,599
- I mean, I fucking love you.|- Okay. I th...

962
00:54:04,639 --> 00:54:06,960
I'm just thinking|about our life together.

963
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:09,000
I feel like I'm walking on a cloud.

964
00:54:09,039 --> 00:54:11,320
My penis is tingling right now.

965
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:15,079
- That is so off-putting.|- You're not feeling this?

966
00:54:15,119 --> 00:54:18,880
In no way, shape or form do I feel|any feelings of intimacy towards you...

967
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:20,960
...in any way whatsoever.

968
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,880
You got a really dope|front lawn here.

969
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:28,559
You and your homeboys|can play on that.

